The Storm before the Calm, a lyric from my favorite band Anathema sums up the day quite aptly. The song is distinct and set apart from the rest on the album, the two component parts (aggression / serenity) spliced very well together (just like today):
It ebbs and flows and comes and goes,
And rips you up and lets you go,
It eats inside and splits your mind,
As you search around for others kind,
You gather strength from the depths,
Fight the fight from day ’til night,
’til night…’til night…’til night…’til night…’til night…
Am I still here, As one with the fear…
Check out the song here.
My “primary problem” haunted my dreams all night last night. Endless vistas repeating, endless visions of being trapped. I know that what happened yesterday and the significance of the day has been at the forefront of both the frontal lobe and the backal lobe (if there is such a word – which I know there isn’t – so says my spellchecker), playing a looped recording that there really was no getting away from.
And as I lay awake in bed, it dawned on me. There was a reason why my friend has approached me about lucid dreaming, I just hadn’t seen it before. I have tried to deal with the issue in my conscious state, failing every time and it was for that reason that I packed it up in a box and stored it away in my subconscious, tucked way to be dealt with at some point. Every now and again, normally with things go awry in what we call reality, it rears its ugly head as I dream. But here was the thing, if I could learn how to lucid dream, learn how to interact with my subconscious state whilst dreaming, I would be able to take control of the situation and guide myself logically to deal with the issue, something which I cannot do on the physical plane. If (and it’s a big “if” probably should have put that last “if” capital letters its that big) our subconscious is connected to our super-conscious state / higher self, then maybe I could try to make peace and connect ethereally rather than elementally. It is worth a shot, and maybe some good will come of it. One thing is for sure, if I was able to pull it off, then at least when I pass over to the other side, if there is something waiting there and our sentient souls do exist, then they will already know that I have tried. Tried to make peace. Tried to forgive. Boy that was not easy to write (a surge of energy and emotion coursing throughout my body and mind just now).
The dark clouds appeared to be all around, my subconscious, my conscious and now overhead, the heavens opening and pelting the window of the dining room where I sat trying to focus on work (which I had a lot of). After my morning call, I decided to get a steaming hot bath and do my meds in there. Boy did it help. Hitting play on the Solfreggio Frequencies playlist, slipping deep into the bath, deeper into myself, I purged my memory cache of everything that had gone in yesterday and during the hours of sleep.
Having a methodical approach to meditation (sometimes conducted in unorthodox places) can have quite a marked effect. All feelings, all visions, all pent up emotions were cast into the void, like a dark hand reaching out from the blackness of the abyss was dragging them in, whilst at the same time parting the clouds to reveal the sunshine. After about 45 minutes, I came back to reality and reached over for my phone to check the tide chart and weather report for tomorrow, the rain still hitting the sills outside. I’m starting believe less and less in luck and good fortune, and putting my faith in “other reasons”, so as “other reasons” may have it, the low tide was at 8:00pm and the sun set was at 7:51pm, ideal timing to perform reiki on the beach. Even better was the weather report, Tuesday 1st April was the sunny filling to a rainstorm sandwich, the reports for Monday and Wednesday very grim and very wet (I hope the Met Office where not playing a belated Fools Day prank on me).
Feeling good about things, much better than before, the wife and I took a coffee to discuss the next steps with the boys. We both agreed that if we withdrew “Ls” application to the casting agency, it really could herald the end of his potential acting career and of course neither of us wanted that. Similarly, we did not want to stop “Js” girlfriend from staying over, as this would have resulted in him staying away from the homestead, adding yet more worry for his mum to deal with.
So the plan was set, sit each down separately, discuss what was expected from both sides, communicating the message calmly, serenely and logically. We did this in both cases, and with aplomb. Our sincere message being delivered with honesty, and the boys understood where we were coming from and apologised with the same sincerity as we delivered it. Before they came home, I had developed “10 Commandments” for each of them to support our position, and printed them off, sticking them to the backs of their bedroom doors. I think they saw the funny side, but what made us laugh was that our eldest had ticked a load of things off later on, things he was already doing. And to top it off, the wife eventually did get a present, and we proceeded to get fat and bloated on eating 75% of the contents of that “Thornton’s Continental” box of chocolates.
Later on in the evening, the wife had her first client come to the house for an aromatherapy session, her first paying customer. As I caught up with my bog, she did the business and was duly paid for services rendered, the money going in the new Las Vegas pot. The charge was minimal as she has not qualified yet and as such everyone who crosses the threshold does so on student fees, lucky them because she is amazing at it. As “other reasons” may have it again, there was a little oil left to give me a leg and back massage, something I was not going pass up on.
As I lay there drifting off, I went over the Level Two reiki symbols in my head, secure in the knowledge that I knew how to do them, how to apply them. Tomorrow is the last day of cleansing. Tomorrow is (coincidentally…) the last day of attunement. Tomorrow is the start of the next chapter of my quest for enlightenment. I wonder what tomorrow will bring. Whatever it does, I’m sure it will be special…