Internal Landscapes

And I felt myself going. I was in a great deal of pain…
It was a very frightening experience, but I began to slip…
I just sort of, felt myself going, and I remember trying to hold on…
I’ll be ok, I’ll be ok…

And it got to the point where I just couldn’t…

And everything began to just become very quiet…

And I can remember with every ounce of strength I had…
I wanted to say goodbye to my wife, it was important to me…
And I did, I remember just turning my head, looking at her and saying…
I’m gonna die, goodbye Joan, and I did…

It was then that I experienced, what we call a Near Death Experience…
For me there was nothing near about it, it was there…
It was a total immersion in light, brightness, warmth, peace, security…

I did not have an Out-of-Body Experience…
I did not see my body or anyone about me…
I just immediately went into this beautiful bright light…
It’s difficult to describe, matter of fact it’s impossible to describe…
Verbally it cannot be expressed…
It’s something which becomes you and you become it…

I could say that I was peace…
I was love…
I was the brightness…
It was part of me…

As I was putting together various purchases from IKEA on Saturday, I had a moment of recall, a moment of warmth, a moment of connection with something, not sure of what that something was. I was alone in the hallway happily busying myself with Allen Keys and screwdrivers, when Anathema’s Internal Landscapes song from the Weather Systems album came on. I must have heard it a thousand times already, but Saturday was different.

I have had moments of peace and wonder listening to the spoken word of Joe Geraci before, recalling his own Near Death Experience many decades ago, but Saturday’s experience was much more profound. As I listened, I found myself drifting off listening to each word very carefully, recalling my vision under Lucia No 3 a few weeks ago, the Lucid / Hypnogogic Light Device of my last blog.

In particular, I picked up on the following lines:

It was a total immersion in light, brightness, warmth, peace, security…
I did not have an out-of-body experience…
I did not see my body or anyone about me…
I just immediately went into this beautiful bright light…
It’s difficult to describe, matter of fact it’s impossible to describe…
Verbally it cannot be expressed…
It’s something which becomes you and you become it…

In short I felt that. That, exactly, was what I felt. I cannot describe it in a better way than Joe did all of those years ago, but to me, it felt the same. I felt that I had become part of something non-corporeal, sentient, albeit briefly, too briefly. It was beautiful. It was like there was something else. It was my own Internal Landscape:

“I remember being surrounded by a warm glow, with a central ellipse of orange light (an eye if you will, or tunnel even), a place of peace”…

When I came around, there I was still sat in the middle of my hallway, surrounded by nuts, bolts and nails, and then the analogy hit me. Life is like a box of IKEA flat-packed furniture. Everything comes at you in pieces once you open the box. There are instruction manuals for those who need to be led and for others, there is chaos, a collection of bits and pieces, but when considered carefully, logically and put in the correct place, everything eventually makes sense and becomes one, a replica of the source (in my case a shoe rack)…

And it’s just so beautiful…
It was eternity…
It’s like I was always there, and I will always be there…
That my existence on earth was just a very brief instant…

I could say that I was peace…
I was love…
I was the brightness…
It was part of me…

Reiki Diary: June 2014 Reiki Share

A reiki share does exactly what it says on the tin. It is an opportunity for reiki practitioners of all levels to get together and discuss their recent experiences and  post-attunement consolidation. The last three months have been really busy for me, intense period in work, renewing my wedding vows in Las Vegas, on the hunt for a new job and taking up new hobbies in Standup Paddle Boarding (SUP), which involves standing up on a modified surfboard and paddling with a long oar through the water, and Land Standup Paddle Boarding, (Land SUP) which involves standing up on a longboard (four foot long skateboard in my case) and propelling yourself along the road/pavement a long oar with a rubber foot on the end.

As is the way with a life of constantly competing priorities, little time has been afforded for the practice of reiki in the usual sense. I’m still on “me-mode” with reiki and probably will be for quite some time to come, but what I have now put in place I think is rather special. I started of discussing combing reiki, meditation and yoga into one holistic approach to well being recently with “L” (my reiki mistress), and decided in the little spare time that I had to create my own technique which involves all three disciplines. OK this may well have been done before, but as a person who likes structure, I’ve not seen any guides out there which combines all three into one. And so I did, the output of my outpourings resulted in a forty-five page guide which I have had reviewed by several people (including reiki masters and holistic therapists) all of who think it’s pretty special. Now that it’s out there (far out…), all I need to do now is to set up sessions on the beach near to where I live and practice what I preach (or is it teach…).

And so to last night’s reiki share. I was due to be in attendance with my significant other, my now wife for the second time, but she has been feeling stressed of late with college work and although I tried to convince her that in itself it was a sign to go, my powers of reasoning fell short and off I went alone.

Armed with only two Lego figures and a pair of socks, I set off for “L”s house and put on Track Nine of Weather Systems by Anathema, a song worthy of any reiki warm up and warm down. Whilst I’m on the subject of Lego (and believe me that had a really key part to play last night which will be revealed shortly), I have recently been looking at Pinterest for ideas for a number of things, my next tattoo (which is this Saturday), making craft items from driftwood I find on the beach, and ideas for Lego creations when I have lost afternoons with my daughter and son, spent building cool stuff from  “fake plastic briquettes”. On browsing, I saw some photos of a Lego character with a hat and a camera, caught in the moment on DSLR (for example, the Lego camera guy taking a picture of another Lego character who has just slipped over on a banana). These pictures looked awesome and gave me the idea to create an alter-ego for myself made from Lego. And so YogaMike was born. The name itself came from “L” herself originally; when I was attuned almost a year ago now, there were two Mikes in the room, one was renamed DrummerMike and myself YogaMike. So wherever I go now, YogaMike comes with me as you can see below (New Brighton, UK; London, UK; Hoover Dam, USA):

Upon entering the “Buddhist boudoir” I was greeted by “L” with a beaming smile as per usual, as well as three new recruits, “S”, “K” and “J”, all seemed really nice. They had recently been through their Level One attunement and started off the session by sharing their experiences since then. “S” seemed to have done the most consolidation, and shared a nice tale about how she “resurrected” a butterfly at the side of the road, where she saw it lifeless and on its side, so she carefully picked it up and gave it reiki in her closed and cupped hands, after a time she felt it running around. She opened her hands and there it was upright and awake, after which she placed it on a nearby bush and went on her way. She also shared that her husband went for a job interview recently and beforehand he was really stressed so she gave him reiki the night before to calm him down and ease the load on him. He got the job. I asked her for some magic my way as I find out by next Monday if I have got the job that I have applied for recently. On that, I had a really strange dream last night that I was working in Cape Town, not the Cape Town I have seen from photographs, but Cape Town nonetheless, the exact location my potential future boss is located, I have recently found out.

“K” and “J” said that they had had a dabble but nothing really significant to date, quite like me in many ways I guess when I first started off. I then shared my journey to date with all in the room, from the dark days of two years ago, on through the turbulence and out into the light. I shared that reiki comes in many ways, not just the structured way in which “L” conducts her therapy-like sessions. For me, it comes through me via meditation and yoga, for my SUP friend “J”, it comes through him when he is out on the waves cutting the surf, feeling the kinetics of the tides and the lunar energy pulls of the moon.

I was first up on the bed for reiki, and all four ladies assumed various positions. The session was good, feeling a surge in energy through “K” through my crown and anja chakras, a churning in my core from “S” and an intense heat in my knees from “J”.

Next up was “S”. I adopted the feet position and quickly drew the power symbol before commencing. I have never really got anything from feet or legs (most of my intense experiences have come from the crown/third eye or the heart chakra). About half way through the session I felt a huge surge of energy coming from the soles of “S”s feet, so much so I had to open my eyes and take a step back. I saw “L” smiling as I did, who acknowledged what was going on too, so I grounded myself (something I had forgotten to do at the start) and went back into the soles (or was it souls) of her feet to finish off what I had identified.

I shared with her (when it was my turn to do so) my experience and she told the group that she had recently had a foot injury, something she had not shared with anyone in the room, which for me was a little shocking as that was really the first time I had picked up on a physical ailment, unknowingly.

“K” and “J” subsequently assumed the position on the bed, with only minor energy fluctuations reflecting in and from me. “L” closed the session and as we chatted for a while before we departed, I sneakily place a Lego figurine behind her on the side table and as I stepped through the door, I told her there was a present for “P” (her partner) behind her. I uploaded a picture on Facebook of the said plastic man and “P” declared his interest in securing it to the dashboard of his works van, and after seeing it she laughed out loud and said he would be made up with it.

“J” stayed behind and “S” and I walked down the path to our respective cars. I turned to her and asked her how it was she injured her foot, and to my complete and utter shock, she said she had injured her foot on one of her kids’ Lego briquettes. Now that is too spooky…

Reiki Diary Level 2 Cleansing: FINAL

Awake. More than the opposite of not asleep. Much more. Awake as in awakened. Awakened to the fact I’m now of the opinion that life is more than just existence, more than materialism and physicalism. My journey over the last twenty-one days has given me an all-new direction, one which was there all along, just that I was looking in the wrong place. I had tried the Buddhist Meditation Centre, I had tried yoga through the Samsung suite of applications on my SMART TV, I had tried looking into radical and far out new age theories, longing for a return to the inner peace I had last summer. None of those things did it for me. Granted they were very interesting and are all part of the new me, but reiki really was there all along, waiting for me to remember.

Eventually I did remember and booked myself in for a standard session with “L”. It was only after talking with her for many hours that I decided to go to the next level. She is totally convinced that I am very spiritual, that I have the ability to feel, hone in on and harness the universes’ invisible energy current for my own personal use, and eventually for use on others (when I felt the time was right).

Everything that happened during the day went past in a blur, no real focus or mental notes on what was happening and nothing that was happening had any significance, instead my focus was on the weather report and on the clock. I didn’t really need to consult the Met Office often too often though, as all I needed to do was look out of the window, not a cloud to spoil the aqua marine blueness of the earth’s lid.

I was getting rather excited by late afternoon and it was then that I started to gather up the things on my checklist for the beach. Picnic mat, blanket, hand-warmers, herbal tea, lighter, joysticks, yoga chairs,x-mini speakers, portable Buddha figurine and of course Chupa Chup lollipops. I got a message from “L” around that time saying that she had a surprise in store, and also was it ok for her boyfriend to come down and take some photos of her first beach attunement.

Just as I was closing the lid on my laptop, I noticed something that had been staring me in the face for literally two weeks. I had changed my laptop wallpaper after I had started meditating each morning to that of a solitary meditating figure, silhouetted from a light source in front of him. The realisation was that it was me. It was I that sat on the floor in the half-lotus position (the yellowy hue representing the beach). It was the setting sun behind wispy clouds which would be in the same position, behind the same wispy clouds as predicted by the Met office. It was the dark line at the edge of the horizon that represented the Irish Sea at its lowest ebb.

And so 5:15pm came, time to go. Firing up the Jeep I headed down the bright sun-lit streets and made my way to the lane which leads to the particular stretch of beach scheduled for the session. I got there a little early but I did so on purpose, sitting in the car, looking out to sea, my favourite track on the car CD player, pre-meditated and pre-meditation. It wasn’t too long before “L” and “P” joined me in their respective automobiles, “L” sharing the news that someone had just crashed into her car, leaving only a minor dent in the VW, no injuries acquired.

After gathering all of the things from the boot of the car, we made our way over the beach to a spot I had selected earlier and set up camp for the next two hours. Once everything was set up, she revealed the first surprise of the evening, which was that she was going to start my Reiki Level Three by inscribing on me the reiki master symbol (Dai Ku Myo) and that journey (although longer) would start today, and by doing so, I would attune “P”. When she sent me the text earlier, I had a strange feeling that she was going to say that. Once thing she did say was that of the students that she had brought through the ranks in the past year(s|), the energies she felt in me were really strong, and that my intentions for inner and outer healing (of others) were virtuous and just to do this tonight.

With that, I drew the reiki symbols on the sand so I could show her that I had learned them, which she was happy with. Sat comfortably on the yoga bean-bag chair, I then closed my eyes, “zenned” out, getting lost in the rhythm of the music as she made her way around my various chakras. I was facing the sun, universal energy from the source, and as I did so, I felt the energy coursing, my eyes, nose and lips trembling with kinetics as swirls of ghostly-white mist filled my view. It felt incredible. It felt real. It did not feel like it was the result of some psychosomatic delusion or projected hallucination, it felt like a connection, with another person, with another force.

After the attunement was complete, I sat a while in position still, raising my awareness to where we where and not that other place briefly, and then it was my turn to attune “P”, which I did. The energy was not so intense this time, perhaps because it was the first time that I had done it, but it was a good one nonetheless. When I asked him to bring his awareness back to the here and now, he did so, but almost not as he said he was drifting off to sleep (I do have that effect on people, women mostly)…

We talked a while about the experience and it was at that point that I had a revelation. I had been looking for reiki shares and meditation circles for some time over the last 6 months, all to no avail. And in that brief moment of clarity, sat there on the beach, watching the sun starting to set behind the wave-breaker rocks, and it dawned on me that I should set up my own beach meditation circle/school. If there is nothing out there, the do. Create. Ok I was still a veritable novice when it comes to reiki, yoga and meditation, but by god was I willing to learn and learn fast if it meant setting this thing up. “L” was excited to say the least. So then we set about setting it up:

  • Who would be involved (organisers).
  • What our Facebook page logo look like (and who would create it).
  • How much it wouldn’t cost (nothing – it would be a free to join activity).
  • When would we do it (starting off in May/June when the weather turned).
  • Where would we do it (right here where we currently sat on the beach).
  • Why would we be doing it (because there isn’t such a thing, and the beach is a place of wonder where a group of like-minded individuals can meet up, chill out, learns new techniques and talk about the universe and the ever-after).

So with that all agreed, “L” and “P” started to think about moving to the local Harvester restaurant for a coffee, some food and further food for thought on the beach meds school. I was not done though. I had something left to do. I took my Harry Potter-style wand and before me in the sand, I drew two power symbols either side of the distance symbol. I selected the Anoushka Shankar track on the playlist and assumed the position. I asked “L” to come behind me with one hand in front and one behind my heart chakra, I asked her to support and guide my energy back 22 years to the day my life changed forever, sending the tinnitus frequencies on a journey through time and space to the loser that lay smashed out of his brains, with no purpose in his life.

Instead of intensity, they was an inner peace, a steady flow of energy rather than a bolt of lightning. Serenity over the supersonic. I felt warm. I felt calm. I came out of the trance and brought my attention back to the beach, and opened my eyes. “L” was not there, she was stood way back. I didn’t feel her back away at any point, I felt as if she was still there. Walking over to her I asked her what she had experienced during that, and what she revealed too me back a little. She said that after a while a presence presented itself to my left hand side, and she saw an energy field of a figure standing next to me. Her exact words were “It was a man. The man was stood up very straight and with strength, almost to attention. I got the impression that it was your grandfather from your dads side. It was him that was guiding you in the end, not me”. I did not see anything with my own eyes (neither opened or closed) but I did feel that there was someone close to me, presuming wrongly it was still “L”.

The outline description of a man I had never met was ever so accurate. My grandfather was a Sergeant Major in the British Army who served as a Chindit in Burma during World War II, who died of gangrene years after his return to the UK. For some reason (and I guess that this is reflected in my “primary problem”) my father never ever spoke of him, no matter how many times I asked him, asking me instead to go speak to my uncle who knew a lot more about his war days. And for some reason even though we had never met, I have always felt that I have had some sort of connection to him, as I too am quite strong willed and driven, just like my aunt who passed away two years ago. I only ever recall seeing one photo of him, and as I wrote this (the last Level Two entry), I quickly googled the word Chindit in Wiki and found that there was a picture of the men of the 13th Battalion King’s Liverpool Regiment, which he may well have served in (being from Liverpool), and even sadder is that he may even be in the picture below without me knowing if he is or not.

Smiling, I gathered both my thoughts and my beach-wares and made it back over to the car, a distinct chill in the now air. Thankfully the restaurant was not too far away, and as we entered the beautiful red sun high the water setting it on fire from afar. We all took a hot drink and ate heartily and we swapped notes on all things “new age”, excited that our next journey back to the beach could be with several other friends, chilling out at group meditation sessions on Mother Earth’s golden sands of time.

I am now a fully fledged membe rof the Reiki Two Battalion…

ADDENDUM:

So last night I put a status update on Facebook, asking any friends if they would be keep to join in on a beach meditation circle this summer, and the response I had was very positive and quite voluminous.

I have always been a big fan of Lego, and as such I took the liberty of creating a “Lego Yoga Me” (ok me when I had really long hair) and this morning as I took the pooch for a walk, I lay him down on the beach, sat on his yoga mat and took some snaps. I may take this little figurine with me on my travels and take cool snaps of “Lego Yoga Me” from various locations, could be a bit of fun.

In closing, my Reiki Level Two has been an enlightening experience, and given me a sense of inner peace, direction in life, and some new techniques which will allow further improvements to mind, body and soul. Who knows, one day I may be able to turn around to “L” and legitimately say “When I met you I was the learner, now I am the (reiki) master”…

 

Reiki Diary Level 2 Cleansing: Day 20

The Storm before the Calm, a lyric from my favorite band Anathema sums up the day quite aptly. The song is distinct and set apart from the rest on the album, the two component parts (aggression / serenity) spliced very well together (just like today):

It ebbs and flows and comes and goes,
And rips you up and lets you go,
It eats inside and splits your mind,
As you search around for others kind,
You gather strength from the depths,
Fight the fight from day ’til night,
’til night…’til night…’til night…’til night…’til night…

Am I still here, As one with the fear…

Check out the song here.

My “primary problem” haunted my dreams all night last night. Endless vistas repeating, endless visions of being trapped. I know that what happened yesterday and the significance of the day has been at the forefront of both the frontal lobe and the backal lobe (if there is such a word – which I know there isn’t – so says my spellchecker), playing a looped recording that there really was no getting away from.

And as I lay awake in bed, it dawned on me. There was a reason why my friend has approached me about lucid dreaming, I just hadn’t seen it before. I have tried to deal with the issue in my conscious state, failing every time and it was for that reason that I packed it up in a box and stored it away in my subconscious, tucked way to be dealt with at some point. Every now and again, normally with things go awry in what we call reality, it rears its ugly head as I dream. But here was the thing, if I could learn how to lucid dream, learn how to interact with my subconscious state whilst dreaming, I would be able to take control of the situation and guide myself logically to deal with the issue, something which I cannot do on the physical plane. If (and it’s a big “if” probably should have put that last “if” capital letters its that big) our subconscious is connected to our super-conscious state / higher self, then maybe I could try to make peace and connect ethereally rather than elementally. It is worth a shot, and maybe some good will come of it. One thing is for sure, if I was able to pull it off, then at least when I pass over to the other side, if there is something waiting there and our sentient souls do exist, then they will already know that I have tried. Tried to make peace. Tried to forgive. Boy that was not easy to write (a surge of energy and emotion coursing throughout my body and mind just now).

The dark clouds appeared to be all around, my subconscious, my conscious and now overhead, the heavens opening and pelting the window of the dining room where I sat trying to focus on work (which I had a lot of). After my morning call, I decided to get a steaming hot bath and do my meds in there. Boy did it help. Hitting play on the Solfreggio Frequencies playlist, slipping deep into the bath, deeper into myself, I purged my memory cache of everything that had gone in yesterday and during the hours of sleep.

Having a methodical approach to meditation (sometimes conducted in unorthodox places) can have quite a marked effect. All feelings, all visions, all pent up emotions were cast into the void, like a dark hand reaching out from the blackness of the abyss was dragging them in, whilst at the same time parting the clouds to reveal the sunshine. After about 45 minutes, I came back to reality and reached over for my phone to check the tide chart and weather report for tomorrow, the rain still hitting the sills outside. I’m starting believe less and less in luck and good fortune, and putting my faith in “other reasons”, so as “other reasons” may have it, the low tide was at 8:00pm and the sun set was at 7:51pm, ideal timing to perform reiki on the beach. Even better was the weather report, Tuesday 1st April was the sunny filling to a rainstorm sandwich, the reports for Monday and Wednesday very grim and very wet (I hope the Met Office where not playing a belated Fools Day prank on me).

Feeling good about things, much better than before, the wife and I took a coffee to discuss the next steps with the boys. We both agreed that if we withdrew “Ls” application to the casting agency, it really could herald the end of his potential acting career and of course neither of us wanted that. Similarly, we did not want to stop “Js” girlfriend from staying over, as this would have resulted in him staying away from the homestead, adding yet more worry for his mum to deal with.

So the plan was set, sit each down separately, discuss what was expected from both sides, communicating the message calmly, serenely and logically. We did this in both cases, and with aplomb. Our sincere message being delivered with honesty, and the boys understood where we were coming from and apologised with the same sincerity as we delivered it. Before they came home, I had developed “10 Commandments” for each of them to support our position, and printed them off, sticking them to the backs of their bedroom doors. I think they saw the funny side, but what made us laugh was that our eldest had ticked a load of things off later on, things he was already doing. And to top it off, the wife eventually did get a present, and we proceeded to get fat and bloated on eating 75% of the contents of that “Thornton’s Continental” box of chocolates.

Later on in the evening, the wife had her first client come to the house for an aromatherapy session, her first paying customer. As I caught up with my bog, she did the business and was duly paid for services rendered, the money going in the new Las Vegas pot. The charge was minimal as she has not qualified yet and as such everyone who crosses the threshold does so on student fees, lucky them because she is amazing at it. As “other reasons” may have it again, there was a little oil left to give me a leg and back massage, something I was not going pass up on.

As I lay there drifting off, I went over the Level Two reiki symbols in my head, secure in the knowledge that I knew how to do them, how to apply them. Tomorrow is the last day of cleansing. Tomorrow is (coincidentally…) the last day of attunement. Tomorrow is the start of the next chapter of my quest for enlightenment. I wonder what tomorrow will bring. Whatever it does, I’m sure it will be special…

Reiki Diary Level 2 Cleansing: Day 18

Yesterday felt like the first true day of Spring and as I rose, so did the sun. And as I rose, I thought of one song in particular:

Here comes the sun.
Here comes the sun, and I say.
It’s all right.

Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter.
Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here.
Here comes the sun.
Here comes the sun, and I say It’s all right.

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces.
Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been here.
Here comes the sun.
Here comes the sun, and I say It’s all right.

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes…

Thinking about fellow Liverpudlian George Harrison in particular, who ever after death, has influenced a change in my musical direction beyond compare. For it was watching “A Concert for George” when I first came across Anoushka Shankar, daughter of legendary sitar player and Indian composer Ravi Shankar. As a father and daughter combo, they created a piece called “Arpan”, played exquisitely and expertly, reverberating around the circular walls of the Royal Albert Hall in London. It really was after watching that and taking up yoga that my auditory tastes changed, possibly forever.

George went through his own metamorphosis (coincidentally, perhaps, to be the title of my very own favourite Anoushka Shankar song) during the latter stages of The Beatles and post-split, being influenced by Mr Shankar and the Hare Krishna movement.

Every now and again I dig out my old metal playlists, but those days are few and far between. Morbid Angel, Obituary and Slayer gather much dust these days, mothballed, replaced by the aforementioned Shankars, as well as Russill Paul and various other Eastern based audibles. Not that all rock based tunes have gone the same way, there is still a special place in my resonating heart for Anathema, Liverpool’s own progressive, experimental soundscape merchants whose sound has go through as many changes as I have over the years. Their roots were in death metal, until a point in time where they lost their lead vocalist and took a completely new direction, influenced heavily during those transition-times by Pink Floyd.

Now matured, their last album was as close to perfection as one could get. I was also lucky enough to be in London the week they played the Koko in Camden Town to witness firsthand the best gig they have ever done (so say Classic Rock Magazine who awarded them concert of the year for that very performance).

Do check them out, some of their quieter tunes (look for Falling Deeper on iTunes which is an acoustic album) do make a fine accompaniment to meditation and yoga.

Saturday morning saw a Spring clean. As the sun shone through the windows, bathing everywhere in brilliant white light, the motes of dust danced majestically as we cleaned atop wardrobes. All winter garments where relocated up into the attic space as summer clothes made the reverse journey. It was so warm in the attic, Ra doing his best to heat the felt-under-tile, giving the dimly lit space a divine cosiness. Never one to pass up on an opportunity to relax, I sat in the loft and meditated for five minutes or so, accompanied by friends Anathema on my phone.

When I raised my eyelids, I had a mini-revelation. The space I currently sat in was just a storage dump. A refuse tip for all manner of rubbish, the space currently being underutilised and unloved. In an instant I had a “future echo” of what it could look like, a vision of a large Buddha picture on the wall, surround by wall candles, scatter cushions spread everywhere, me in the dead centre of the “karmadome” meditating on a mat underneath voile type drapings from the ceiling.

I had a new project. Some building work was required first (proper flooring laid down, an access ladder to the space and some plaster boarding) but I could see that I could very well at some point this year have my own private Idaho…

Late afternoon following the tidy up, we took our eldest shopping for a pre-Vegas clobber run, the theme once he headed off to the likes of Superdry and Jack Jones was again the wedding. Instead of rings, this time the focus was on the dress, and as coincidence would have it (just like the ring) it was the very last shop that bore fruit. The most perfect dress presented itself to the current wife and future wife (same person), fitting like a glove, the purchase made immediately.

A huge weight lifted off her shoulders, the dress something she had been looking for, for some time.

The evening was spent drinking 0.0% beer and watching The Voice (a UK singing / talent competition) which is not exactly to my taste, but when you get to spend two hours plus watching Kylie Minogue, then it’s time I’m willing to sacrifice…

Reiki Diary Level 2 Cleansing: Day 2

So the second day and a busy one. Plenty of meetings in the calendar and a fair amount of work, and a Springer Spaniel that needed a seriously long “walkies” at lunchtime.

After dropping the little one off at school (still hobbling from the de-casted leg), it was back to home base with work mode well and truly on. The morning passed rather uneventful and lunch was soon upon us, “C” doing his usual manic circles of delight when he sees his lead in my hands. On it went (as did my Anathema Resonating Tunes Spotify playlist), and off we popped.

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The whole town has been covered in a chilled misty/fog for the last two days so walking down the lanes and around the park was rather eerie. I recall not passing many cars (if at all any cars) on the way to the park, and definitely no people. I was not sure whether it was because of the weather, because of the music I was listening to, because of the heightened tinnitus or because of the attunement 2 nights ago, but I felt somehow different. I guess it was all of those things, but I felt floaty/dreamy, in control but more aware or connected with things.

As I followed the dog across his random path through the yet-to-bloom daffodil stalks, I became more aware that my tinnitus frequency was markedly higher than normal. About that time I had a call from my wife who said that her step-dad (who suffers from dementia) had had another episode and couldn’t find his way home. She managed to find him ok, and was going to be late back and she was making him a brew and staying a while. Still in the park that was devoid of legs (except the 6 from me and my dog) I sent him a Sei He Ki symbol, the symbol often called the Mental-Emotional symbol, which is particularly useful for healing intellectual, psychological or emotional problems, and for creating harmony and balance. It was only later on in the evening that I realised that I did it wrong, as the Sei He Ki symbol should have been the filling of a Cho Ku Rei sandwich, but to err is to human as they say and I’ll know next time.

Late afternoon, I decided to do a quick blog about my journey into Lucid Dreaming before I forgot what it was I wanted to (b)log. As I was typing, I spun around on my office chair for some reason and looked out of the window, to see that my friend who had asked me to book her in with “L” was going into a neighbour’s house. Realising that I hadn’t yet confirmed her re-appointment, I went over and briefly spoke to her to tell her she was booked in. In all honesty I don’t think she is convinced it will do her any good. We had quite a conversation about it a few weeks back, and she knows of my journey since the dark days has been down to (to some extent) my open-mindedness with yoga, meditation and reiki. I told her that “L” was amazing, a listener, a life coach, and if she didn’t get anything from the reiki element, I’m 100% certain she would get something by just being around “L”.

After dinner, I popped my daughters coat on and whisked her off to the hairdressers where she was booked in for a trim and a pamper session (hair braid and nails done) by way of a treat due her to being so brave last week getting her cast off. Whilst she was in the back room, a song came on which made my hair stand up on the back of my neck. Last week, the wife and I decided that for our vows renewal in Las Vegas at the end of May, we would chose John Legend’s “All of Me” as our aisle/first dance song, the lyrics perfectly penned, poetically poignant. Coincidentally, half way through the song, my wife called up from college, so I held out the phone to the speaker so she could hear what was being played.

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Still in the salon, I noticed that there were some flyers next to me, and thumbing through some of them I found a Mindful Meditation course, a 4 week course which started on Monday. Reading further I saw that it was from the local Buddhist group, and decided that it was still not what I was looking for so didn’t take one, besides which reiki was going to take up all of my available time over the next 3 weeks.

After dropping my daughter back home and tucking her up in bed (and under the watching eyes of her elder brothers) off I went to the college where I was a willing patient/victim for my wife who was being assessed for her Holistic Therapy Course. After the forms were filled out, on the bed I popped and away we went.

As I needed to get 6 self treatments in during the next 20 days, it was the perfect opportunity to start. As she was giving me a Swedish massage, and moved my hands into several different reiki positions as she herself changed body parts. Having a
massage done at the same time as reiki was pretty good. I felt calm, very relaxed, even when some of the elbows went in.

As she was working my lower legs and my hands placed on the heart chakra, I noticed a twinge/pulse in the space between my “groinal garden” and my naval. It was at that point that I had a vision (not a physical image or projection like a TV – more of a feeling) of my Aunt “J” who passed over last year. Not sure why I specifically thought of her but I did (maybe it was because she died of bowel cancer and that was the area where she had her pain). She was a really strong woman who I liked and admired very much. I’ve never seen someone enjoy life so much. I recall that when we got back from living in Malaysia, the wife and I were out in Liverpool late and we bumped into her, dancing in the street outside a pub with some of her friends. She was 78. Awesome.

A vision of my nan then popped into my head, and at that point I thought that they were colluding to give me some sort of signal, to perhaps resolve my “primary problem”. The vision of my nan didn’t last long and the feeling subsided.

The wife then beckoned me to turn over and I did so, still feeling very calm and relaxed. Carrying on with my own self treatment I got back into a meditative/hypnogogic state quite quickly, and then it hit me – a tinnitus spike and a feeling (a “Future Echo” as Dave Lister from Red Dwarf would describe it). All of a sudden, I was on a beach. New Brighton beach. I was in a yoga position and I had a stick in my hand. In front of me were three symbols drawn in the sand, two Cho Ku Rei either side of the Hon Sa Ze Sho Nen (the distance symbol in reiki), the energy coursing through me.

I was sending the energy (more specifically my tinnitus) back in time to the night that I acquired tinnitus in the first place, a time in life where I was quite frankly a loser, a 20 year old bum on a downward spiral with no purpose in life. I recall on that night that I was totally smashed, and fell into an hallucinatory type state being buried up to my head in sand, the waves crashing over my face. When I awoke the next day I had tinnitus (which I have had ever since) but it was from that day onwards that my life changed. It had to. Having this constant noise inside my head was pretty debilitating at first, but over time one learns to live with it and adapt. It wasn’t long after that I got my first temporary job, followed by my first permanent job and I’ve not looked back since.

So what had I just witnessed. Was it me being totally bonkers crazy, had I lost the plot? Was it a waking dream? Was it an actual dream? Was it a connection with something else? All I would say was that whatever it was, it was profound, and if there was a way to send stuff in time (past, present or future) to “heal” and I was confident to do it (without it affecting my psyche), then why not?

Many people (including those that know me) may well think I’ve lost it. To them, all I can say is that I am in a happy place. I am calm. I now have an amazing relationship with my wife, kids and friends. I have a well paid job and I get to travel all over our little blue dot. If by doing yoga, meditation and reiki I can continue to feel like this without having to rely on others, drugs or alcohol, then why not…

After dressing, I went to pay the college tutor who is also (funnily enough) a reiki master. I didn’t share my cubicle experience with him, but told him I was currently doing my Level 2. We talked a while and he showed me how he gets his energy flowing, by placing his hands near to his heart chakra until he can feel like an invisible pull, at which point he sends the energy down through his legs and into the floor grounding himself. He then lets himself going from the heart and forms like a tai chi movement, and then commences with the reiki treatment. I told him that in my experience, the energy starts at the crown and the 3rd eye chakra (pineal gland) and it can become very intense. I told him that “L” said to me to bring the energy down a notch and the tutor also said that bringing the location down from the centre of the brow to the centre of the heart will also help.

Noted for future reference, and after thanking him for his sage words, we made our way home, exhausted…

Breadcrumb Diary: Week 7

12/02/14
None recorded…

13/02/14
#1 Stockard Channing held sway
Grease is the word it may seem. A rather bizarre and totally random breadcrumb today. My son (the budding thespian as previously blogged), has been appearing in his school play this week. We went to see him last night and he was magnificent, a fearless and superbly executed performance from a mature young actor only 12 years old. His performance aside, the wifey and I were both in violent agreement (yes these synchronicities, albeit rather rare, do also take place…) that the stand out performance (including an incredible vocal) was from a girl who played the character Rizzo, played by Stockard Channing in the film.

What was a coincidence was about an hour later, one of my friends (known affectionately as “Totally Random Man”) posted a link to a picture of Stockard Channing to the Half Man Half Biscuit (Wirral based rock/folk band of awesome genius) fan page on Facebook, as it was her 70th birthday.

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What was becoming ridiculous was that after we had picked up my son from his evening performance, we retired rather exhausted to our bed, and before we turned in watched an episode of The Good Wife, who pops up as Alicia Florrick’s mother? Yes you guessed it, Stockard Channing…

14/02/14
#1 Pussy galore
For some reason I still haven’t quite fathomed, I decided to push my still-wheelchair-bound daughter up the hill to school in a force 8 gale, carrying her homework and also her golden zimmer frame. Easy pickings for an octoped perhaps, not homo erectus (which I must have resembled by the time I got to the top of the 45 degree slope in hurricane winds). On the way up, we passed by the church on the corner of our road where my wife and I committed to our never-ending story, which we do most days (go to scholl, not getting married). Today, as we did, I saw a black cat sitting in the middle of the path way to the church door, staring. Staring right at me, it’s eyes not leaving mine until I lost the stare-out competition upon reaching the soon-to-be crossed road.

A short while later, I got back to the house and collected the refuse from all of the internal bins and transferred them to the outdoor ‘wheelies’ as it was collection day. As I opened the door, sitting right next to the Jeep was a black cat. I don’t believe it was ‘the’ black cat, but a black cat nonetheless. Stranger, I stared at it much in the same manner, and it reciprocated as its predecessor did, with aplomb. I turned my vision for only a split second to lift the lid of the wheelie bin, and on turning back the cat was gone. Odd. I even looked under my car. Nothing.

Continuing on with the cats theme, my son came home from school with a bit of a glum look on his face. I asked him how his day went and to his disappointment, he found out that day that the summer play (of the performing arts group he attends) had been chosen by the artistic director. Cats. Of course it was. He went on to show me one of the songs he would have to sing and already you can see that his heart just won’t be 100% in this one. I recalled that there was a quite a famous song in the show called ‘Memories’ by Elaine Page. ‘Wow, was she in it?’ he said, ‘I didn’t realise that she did plays, she doesn’t look old enough’. Confused, I said that Elaine Page must have been 60 odd, he thought I said Ellen Page (she of Inception fame – another breadcrumb reference). What rounded off a truly feline-frenzy day was that evening, as I read on the BBC news feed that Ellen Page had declared her sexuality to the world and came out as a lesbian. Not Elaine Page, coming out at 66 a bit late in the day…

#2 Yeah I’m the Taxman
After my successful ascent of ‘Mount Atherton’ and dropping the little one off at school, a random thought popped into my head dating back to 2009. When we all returned from Malaysia I recall filling in a lot of tax forms through Deloittes most user-unfriendly web portal. I remember getting several notices saying that I was missing one form in particular, although the system gave me all green ticks. Over the years I have had several terse emails reminding me penalties and the like, all of which I wholeheartedly ignored. I guess I must have been thinking about that missing form in particular in light of the corporation upcoming bonus transaction to the account of yours truly.

Mid-morning, busy working away trying to get everything done before my week of with the family, I get an email. From Deloittes after I think years of nothing. It detailed (in a much clearer and precise fashion) a request for information in lovely little bullets, dictating what I had to put in each box of the form. I quickly sent a note back asking why it was after all this time I needed to complete it, and the most welcomed of responses stated that my employer and I are due a rebate for the last 6 months of 2009. Result! My rebate may be 68p, but it will be my 68p.

I tried to daydream of the winning lottery numbers for that evening, but alas it appeared that I was all out of breadcrumbs for that day…

15/02/14
None recorded…

16/02/14
None recorded…

17/02/14
#1 My anathema
First day of my holidays, yay. Hmmm perhaps not. Weather was pretty shocking truth be known so I decided to clean the house for the week, do the shopping and act as a stand-in carer for my wife as she was attending a college course on hot stone massage. Not sure what had been in the air over the last week or two (and in particular today), but a greyish cloud was hanging overhead. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, whether it was me or whether it was her or whether it was external forces at play. Nonetheless we had ‘several words’ on the way to the college, which left me with a feeling of melancholy. I quickly put that aside and got on with my household / carer duties, but something was still niggling at me. There was still an atmosphere when I picked her up, and quickly after getting back to the house and pulled my hiking boots on and took the dog down to the beach and gave him a good run out, but whatever was hanging over me was still there. My mood was as black as the clouds above, a feeling I’d not had for quite some time, one of those dread feeling back to the dark days of 2012.

I avoided the customary new age podcast on this day. Dark days require moody vibes, resonating tunes, liberating lyrics. One band that has all of that in abundance in Anathema (Liverpool born and bred, which I have a very tenuous personal link to). On approaching the crest of Mount Atherton, I casually glanced up at the sky which had been covered in grey pillows all day, and as I did so a small slither of sky opened up before me and revealed the orange glow of a helio-sphere 92 million miles away from our little blue dot. At that exact moment (whilst listening to Untouchable Pt 2 from the album Weather Systems) the line ‘I had to let you go. To the setting sun. I had to let you go. And find a way back home’. It was a sign for sure, of what though, I wasn’t sure.

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On listening to the song and seeing the vista before me, there was an immediate respite from the gloom, so I took this as a sign to go back and talk to the missus. That I did and the mood was lifted. Later on in the evening, she was trawling through her Facebook news feed and found that those previously close to me (now ex-communicated not through my choice) were having a family get together that afternoon, under monochrome cloudscapes. That was the sign…

18/02/14
#1 Dogs of War
Many people know that I’m a kid at heart and can spend days on end creating and destroying and creating again, animate and inanimate objects made of Lego. I recently took the family to see The Lego Movie and decided that our first trip of the week would be to the Lego Discovery Centre in Manchester. Being out for most the day, Charlie our pooch was destined for a day of solitude. After getting ready, I told the significant other that I was going downstairs to have a dog-of-war with him (actually a tug-of-war; he has a ‘Linus’ type blanky which he plays with from time to time, dragging it from room to room, and every now and again I pull one end as he pulls the other). I looked in each room upstairs, no sign of him. I did likewise downstairs, still no sign. The last room of the house was the kitchen, I crept in and there he was under the breakfast bar, watching me creep into the room, his blanky in his mouth already, waiting for war, knowing I think that he was about to be left on his own for several hours…

#2 Holding back the ears
After leaving Charlie behind, on went the Apple Maps app, postcode dutifully inserted. We made our way without incident to the M56 motorway and half way down it, my son asked us to turn the radio down as he had found a particularly amusing anecdote on the web. The channel of choice that day was Smooth FM (and English radio channel which plays a lot of Tamla Motown, various hits from the 70’s and of course smoothies tracks as the name suggests), and currently playing was ‘You make me feel brand new’ by The Stylistics. So as instructed, I turned the radio volume down to zero and he ran through the funny, and it was.

After he had finished, it was time to turn the volume back up. As I reached for the dial, everything slowed down, almost to a stop. I knew what was about to take place. I looked up to see that I was in the outside lane of the motorway and inside me were two heavy goods vehicles, one overtaking the other. In an instant, I had total recall of an incident relayed to his readership by new age theorist Anthony Peake. I’ve pasted in his words below from a forum posts many years ago as his diction is far superior than mine:

The M62 motorway links Yorkshire with Lancashire. This freeway goes through some pretty barren moorland and weather conditions in late November can get quite bad (remember the movie ‘American Werewolf In London’? – I am sure that the ‘Slaughtered Lamb’ pub is located not far off the M62).

Anyway, I am driving along in pretty crappy driving conditions. Rain and hail are blasting down and the traffic is both heavy and fast. I have my Archos MP3 playing away through the car stereo. Now for those who do not know the device, Archos players are “super ipods” with massive memory storage. For example this machine contained over 14,000 MP3 tracks. Now when driving long journeys I have the Archos on random play. With a 1:14,000 probability the chance of any one specific track coming up is remote in the extreme.

As I was driving along a lorry comes out in front of me with a load of crash-barriers on the back. They looked fairly securely tied so I was happy to drive a short distance behind it. Suddenly a new track comes up on random play. It is ‘Round of Blues’ by Shawn Colvin. Now there is a history to this particular song. Way back in 1992 I had first heard this track on a free CD that came with a UK music magazine. From the first few bars I knew that this song would be important to me in some strange way that I could not describe. a few days later I bought the album with the track on it (Fat City). For some strange reason that I only now understand I said to my then (common-law) wife that this was the song I wanted played at my funeral. As the words came out of my mouth I remember thinking ‘where on earth did that come from’. So strong was this feeling that I continued mentioning this over the years. When I met my present wife I again found myself stressing this self same instruction. I remember once playing the song to her so that she would remember it.

So you can imagine my shock when this track suddenly appeared on my car stereo. I knew it was a warning. For some reason I put my breaks on and moved my car from the middle lane into the slow lane (my car at the time was a beautifully responsive Mazda RX-8 (as if you wanted to know that) so I was swiftly out of the way of the lorry in front. A split second after I moved, with Shawn still singing away, the barriers detached themselves and crashed down onto the motorway, landing exactly where I would have been. I would have hit them at sixty miles an hour. There is no way I would have survived. Fortunately because I moved no cars were close enough to be involved and the traffic easily negotiated itself around the obstruction.

If this is correct then the very last thing I would have perceived in my last life would have been the song ‘Round of Blues’. It is as if I had a deep past-life memory association with my death and that song. This is why the message of Fat City equals funeral. But this saved my life this time “round” as well because I knew that death was close!

But do you want to know what has really just freaked me out – I recently looked up the lyrics which I have never really done before. I more enjoyed the tune and its bouncy guitar sound. What I just read made my blood run cold:

Here we go again
Another round of blues
Several miles ago
I set down my angel shoes
On a lost highway
For a better view

and later:

We lost a lot today
We get it back tomorrow
I hear the sound of wheels
I know the rainbow’s end.

Scary isn’t it – just how relevant are the words “Several miles ago I set down my angel shoes on a lost highway” and “I hear the sound of wheels, I know the rainbow’s end”.

It wasn’t that my family and I were in any immediate danger from the two goods vehicles, nor that any Audi/BMW was about to plough into the back of us at breakneck speed. It was simpler, but no less of a shock. My wife and I have this long running radio feud, in that whenever R.E.M or Morrissey comes on the radio, she has the right (I have this clause embedded in our pre-nup) to do a pretend yawn accompanied by a pretend stretch, allowing her outstretched fingers to turn down the volume on the radio to zero, without me noticing (she has never succeeded). I have the same agreement with one band in question, the band I loathe the most.

So imagine my surprise as my outstretched fingers turned the dial clockwise to reveal my precognitive revelation that not only would Mick Hucknall be ear-achingly crooning a the top of his voice, but he would be doing so to the very track I hate the most and correctly predicted, ‘Holding Back the Years’. In an instant, the whole of my being filled with a wave of energy, recognition of the precognition, and every hair stood to attention. I was officially freaked out…

#3 The Magical Quest
So to Legoland. After the tricky M56/M62/M602 evil junction was successfully manoeuvred, the domes of the Trafford Centre came into view. Car parked, Starbucks Coffee in hand we joined the queue and waited patiently to enter. The wife had already dropped hints that it would be a shame to come all this way and not to have a look around the shopping mall, and although she never came out and said it, inferred that it would be a nice gesture for me to postpone my reiki session in the evening. Granted, it would have been nice to have a shop and perhaps dine out with the, so I gave this some serious thought and pondered sending my reiki ‘mistress’ (the feminine of master of course) a message.

Further down the line 10 minutes later and a familiar face came into view. If I ever there was something to persuade me not to cancel my session in favour of ‘Sketchers and Steak’, the face in the crowd made my mind up for me. H was on my reiki course last year (along with seven others) and she spotted me and we spoke. I keep bumping into her in the strangest of places, out of town shopping malls, at the beach, down on the farm and now Lego Discovery Centres. We chatted for a short while and I told her that it was so odd that today of all days in such a remote location, that I bump into her.

Taking that as a sign, we left the Trafford Centre (after Sketchers but not Steak) in ample time so that I could drop off the clan, and make my way to my ‘mistress’…

#4 Yes the universal’s here, here for everyone
See Reiki Diary: Level 2 (Part 1) for more details on an entire cacophony of coincidence…