Return of the Unwelcomed…

Silently it sleeps, waiting.
Waiting for its chance.
Chance to take over when defences are down.
Down they are, and then the return.
Return of the unwelcomed.

The stark duality of existence.
Existence of the Light and the Dark.
Dark has it’s turn.
Turn the return.
Return of the unwelcomed.

The inner daemon battles it out.
Out to oust reason and sanity.
Sanity temporarily lost.
Lost light and dark’s return.
Return of the unwelcomed.

The chaos brings back memories past.
Past regrets, transgressions of the lush.
Lush sobers, once again locked away.
Away with the dark, will it return?
Return of the unwelcomed.

——————————————————–

To err is to human, and when one loses control of function, logic and reason, the err can be very err indeed. Sadly for me, my daemon paid me a visit on Friday night, a dark figure that I had not seen for a long, long time. It was a stark reminder that such a thing still exists and given a certain set of circumstances, it will return, unwelcomed.

What started off well, a night spent with some good friends, quickly turned sour upon my return to the homeland, my search for further inebriation taking on vortex form, a chaos twisting through empty drinking establishments in the village, my search for a consuming comrade in vain.

The fallout was inevitable, similar fallouts to those of the past. The regret the next morning was inevitable, similar regrets to those of the past.

I guess it was a less than a gentle reminder that I still have a problem, which only comes out when I drink over my limit. Very much like the water buckets you see in Aqua Parks, the liquid keeps going in, filling up. And it’s all too clear from the onlookers what’s coming next. The bucket starts to shake, starts to tilt, until it unleashes its force on its victims below.

Thankfully (I guess) my force is always verbal, ill-judged, irrational, illogical and quite illusory. This time, it came from nowhere and that’s the real danger. No crap day at the office, or any family issues, or any monetary concerns, just a craving for more.

I spent most of the weekend beating myself up about it, taking the dog for long walks and thinking.

If there was a silver lining to this cloud, it was that this weekend gave me a real reminder that inner daemons exist (in most of us in one form or another) and like everything in life, moderation was the key. Food, drink, exercise and desire, if all done in moderation, the Universe stays in perfect harmony and if everything is perfectly balanced then so is the mind, and the daemons remain banished.

So was it coincidence or irony that before I got on the train on Friday, I uploaded a blog about storm clouds, or was it a premonition, or in fact a future echo – a self-created breadcrumb?

The Storm Cloud…

When I lived in Malaysia, I was quite shocked one time as I drove past a huge billboard sign outside a construction site which had Oprah Winfrey’s head on it. Of course it wasn’t her image, but a quote underneath it which read as follows:

“Only surround your self with positive people”. My initial thoughts were ‘what an arrogant bitch she is, how is that possible and how is that right’, it’s OK for her to say something like that with her millions in the bank’.

Many years later, I read snippets about her and the truly awful things she had to endure as a child and how she deals with them even today by trying to surround herself with positive people (like Deepak Chopra and their recent foray to introduce meditation techniques on a global scale).

It got me thinking today (albeit rather tenously and randomly) about storm clouds. The top of the cloud is positively charged as is the ground, but when the conditions are right and a bank of negativity is introduced, the cloud takes a tempestuous turn and sparks fly, resulting into a lot of noise and violent bursts of raw and dangerous energy.

And so it is with us. These days I try to heed the words of Oprah all those years ago, and surround myself with positivity and positive people, and in a crazy mixed up world I think I’m doing ok.

I look at Facebook (probably too much) and there are a lot of really negative and volatile threads that appear from time to time, so I have looked by today at my own threads and found that over the past 6 months they have been all positive (which is nice).

I am trying to adopt the Sufi Three Gates position in everything I say and everything I type these days (as I posted during my Robin Williams blog 2 weeks ago), and it is not easy (as one has to remain responsive to certain situations, questions and thoughts). I have also removed feeds from Al Jazeera, Reuters and Huffington Post as it was turning into a constant positivity drain.

So where there are clouds of pure positivity (from an electrically charged perspective) no storms will grow, and we are safe from the maelstrom…

Reiki Diary Level 2 Cleansing: FINAL

Awake. More than the opposite of not asleep. Much more. Awake as in awakened. Awakened to the fact I’m now of the opinion that life is more than just existence, more than materialism and physicalism. My journey over the last twenty-one days has given me an all-new direction, one which was there all along, just that I was looking in the wrong place. I had tried the Buddhist Meditation Centre, I had tried yoga through the Samsung suite of applications on my SMART TV, I had tried looking into radical and far out new age theories, longing for a return to the inner peace I had last summer. None of those things did it for me. Granted they were very interesting and are all part of the new me, but reiki really was there all along, waiting for me to remember.

Eventually I did remember and booked myself in for a standard session with “L”. It was only after talking with her for many hours that I decided to go to the next level. She is totally convinced that I am very spiritual, that I have the ability to feel, hone in on and harness the universes’ invisible energy current for my own personal use, and eventually for use on others (when I felt the time was right).

Everything that happened during the day went past in a blur, no real focus or mental notes on what was happening and nothing that was happening had any significance, instead my focus was on the weather report and on the clock. I didn’t really need to consult the Met Office often too often though, as all I needed to do was look out of the window, not a cloud to spoil the aqua marine blueness of the earth’s lid.

I was getting rather excited by late afternoon and it was then that I started to gather up the things on my checklist for the beach. Picnic mat, blanket, hand-warmers, herbal tea, lighter, joysticks, yoga chairs,x-mini speakers, portable Buddha figurine and of course Chupa Chup lollipops. I got a message from “L” around that time saying that she had a surprise in store, and also was it ok for her boyfriend to come down and take some photos of her first beach attunement.

Just as I was closing the lid on my laptop, I noticed something that had been staring me in the face for literally two weeks. I had changed my laptop wallpaper after I had started meditating each morning to that of a solitary meditating figure, silhouetted from a light source in front of him. The realisation was that it was me. It was I that sat on the floor in the half-lotus position (the yellowy hue representing the beach). It was the setting sun behind wispy clouds which would be in the same position, behind the same wispy clouds as predicted by the Met office. It was the dark line at the edge of the horizon that represented the Irish Sea at its lowest ebb.

And so 5:15pm came, time to go. Firing up the Jeep I headed down the bright sun-lit streets and made my way to the lane which leads to the particular stretch of beach scheduled for the session. I got there a little early but I did so on purpose, sitting in the car, looking out to sea, my favourite track on the car CD player, pre-meditated and pre-meditation. It wasn’t too long before “L” and “P” joined me in their respective automobiles, “L” sharing the news that someone had just crashed into her car, leaving only a minor dent in the VW, no injuries acquired.

After gathering all of the things from the boot of the car, we made our way over the beach to a spot I had selected earlier and set up camp for the next two hours. Once everything was set up, she revealed the first surprise of the evening, which was that she was going to start my Reiki Level Three by inscribing on me the reiki master symbol (Dai Ku Myo) and that journey (although longer) would start today, and by doing so, I would attune “P”. When she sent me the text earlier, I had a strange feeling that she was going to say that. Once thing she did say was that of the students that she had brought through the ranks in the past year(s|), the energies she felt in me were really strong, and that my intentions for inner and outer healing (of others) were virtuous and just to do this tonight.

With that, I drew the reiki symbols on the sand so I could show her that I had learned them, which she was happy with. Sat comfortably on the yoga bean-bag chair, I then closed my eyes, “zenned” out, getting lost in the rhythm of the music as she made her way around my various chakras. I was facing the sun, universal energy from the source, and as I did so, I felt the energy coursing, my eyes, nose and lips trembling with kinetics as swirls of ghostly-white mist filled my view. It felt incredible. It felt real. It did not feel like it was the result of some psychosomatic delusion or projected hallucination, it felt like a connection, with another person, with another force.

After the attunement was complete, I sat a while in position still, raising my awareness to where we where and not that other place briefly, and then it was my turn to attune “P”, which I did. The energy was not so intense this time, perhaps because it was the first time that I had done it, but it was a good one nonetheless. When I asked him to bring his awareness back to the here and now, he did so, but almost not as he said he was drifting off to sleep (I do have that effect on people, women mostly)…

We talked a while about the experience and it was at that point that I had a revelation. I had been looking for reiki shares and meditation circles for some time over the last 6 months, all to no avail. And in that brief moment of clarity, sat there on the beach, watching the sun starting to set behind the wave-breaker rocks, and it dawned on me that I should set up my own beach meditation circle/school. If there is nothing out there, the do. Create. Ok I was still a veritable novice when it comes to reiki, yoga and meditation, but by god was I willing to learn and learn fast if it meant setting this thing up. “L” was excited to say the least. So then we set about setting it up:

  • Who would be involved (organisers).
  • What our Facebook page logo look like (and who would create it).
  • How much it wouldn’t cost (nothing – it would be a free to join activity).
  • When would we do it (starting off in May/June when the weather turned).
  • Where would we do it (right here where we currently sat on the beach).
  • Why would we be doing it (because there isn’t such a thing, and the beach is a place of wonder where a group of like-minded individuals can meet up, chill out, learns new techniques and talk about the universe and the ever-after).

So with that all agreed, “L” and “P” started to think about moving to the local Harvester restaurant for a coffee, some food and further food for thought on the beach meds school. I was not done though. I had something left to do. I took my Harry Potter-style wand and before me in the sand, I drew two power symbols either side of the distance symbol. I selected the Anoushka Shankar track on the playlist and assumed the position. I asked “L” to come behind me with one hand in front and one behind my heart chakra, I asked her to support and guide my energy back 22 years to the day my life changed forever, sending the tinnitus frequencies on a journey through time and space to the loser that lay smashed out of his brains, with no purpose in his life.

Instead of intensity, they was an inner peace, a steady flow of energy rather than a bolt of lightning. Serenity over the supersonic. I felt warm. I felt calm. I came out of the trance and brought my attention back to the beach, and opened my eyes. “L” was not there, she was stood way back. I didn’t feel her back away at any point, I felt as if she was still there. Walking over to her I asked her what she had experienced during that, and what she revealed too me back a little. She said that after a while a presence presented itself to my left hand side, and she saw an energy field of a figure standing next to me. Her exact words were “It was a man. The man was stood up very straight and with strength, almost to attention. I got the impression that it was your grandfather from your dads side. It was him that was guiding you in the end, not me”. I did not see anything with my own eyes (neither opened or closed) but I did feel that there was someone close to me, presuming wrongly it was still “L”.

The outline description of a man I had never met was ever so accurate. My grandfather was a Sergeant Major in the British Army who served as a Chindit in Burma during World War II, who died of gangrene years after his return to the UK. For some reason (and I guess that this is reflected in my “primary problem”) my father never ever spoke of him, no matter how many times I asked him, asking me instead to go speak to my uncle who knew a lot more about his war days. And for some reason even though we had never met, I have always felt that I have had some sort of connection to him, as I too am quite strong willed and driven, just like my aunt who passed away two years ago. I only ever recall seeing one photo of him, and as I wrote this (the last Level Two entry), I quickly googled the word Chindit in Wiki and found that there was a picture of the men of the 13th Battalion King’s Liverpool Regiment, which he may well have served in (being from Liverpool), and even sadder is that he may even be in the picture below without me knowing if he is or not.

Smiling, I gathered both my thoughts and my beach-wares and made it back over to the car, a distinct chill in the now air. Thankfully the restaurant was not too far away, and as we entered the beautiful red sun high the water setting it on fire from afar. We all took a hot drink and ate heartily and we swapped notes on all things “new age”, excited that our next journey back to the beach could be with several other friends, chilling out at group meditation sessions on Mother Earth’s golden sands of time.

I am now a fully fledged membe rof the Reiki Two Battalion…

ADDENDUM:

So last night I put a status update on Facebook, asking any friends if they would be keep to join in on a beach meditation circle this summer, and the response I had was very positive and quite voluminous.

I have always been a big fan of Lego, and as such I took the liberty of creating a “Lego Yoga Me” (ok me when I had really long hair) and this morning as I took the pooch for a walk, I lay him down on the beach, sat on his yoga mat and took some snaps. I may take this little figurine with me on my travels and take cool snaps of “Lego Yoga Me” from various locations, could be a bit of fun.

In closing, my Reiki Level Two has been an enlightening experience, and given me a sense of inner peace, direction in life, and some new techniques which will allow further improvements to mind, body and soul. Who knows, one day I may be able to turn around to “L” and legitimately say “When I met you I was the learner, now I am the (reiki) master”…

 

Reiki Diary Level 2 Cleansing: Day 20

The Storm before the Calm, a lyric from my favorite band Anathema sums up the day quite aptly. The song is distinct and set apart from the rest on the album, the two component parts (aggression / serenity) spliced very well together (just like today):

It ebbs and flows and comes and goes,
And rips you up and lets you go,
It eats inside and splits your mind,
As you search around for others kind,
You gather strength from the depths,
Fight the fight from day ’til night,
’til night…’til night…’til night…’til night…’til night…

Am I still here, As one with the fear…

Check out the song here.

My “primary problem” haunted my dreams all night last night. Endless vistas repeating, endless visions of being trapped. I know that what happened yesterday and the significance of the day has been at the forefront of both the frontal lobe and the backal lobe (if there is such a word – which I know there isn’t – so says my spellchecker), playing a looped recording that there really was no getting away from.

And as I lay awake in bed, it dawned on me. There was a reason why my friend has approached me about lucid dreaming, I just hadn’t seen it before. I have tried to deal with the issue in my conscious state, failing every time and it was for that reason that I packed it up in a box and stored it away in my subconscious, tucked way to be dealt with at some point. Every now and again, normally with things go awry in what we call reality, it rears its ugly head as I dream. But here was the thing, if I could learn how to lucid dream, learn how to interact with my subconscious state whilst dreaming, I would be able to take control of the situation and guide myself logically to deal with the issue, something which I cannot do on the physical plane. If (and it’s a big “if” probably should have put that last “if” capital letters its that big) our subconscious is connected to our super-conscious state / higher self, then maybe I could try to make peace and connect ethereally rather than elementally. It is worth a shot, and maybe some good will come of it. One thing is for sure, if I was able to pull it off, then at least when I pass over to the other side, if there is something waiting there and our sentient souls do exist, then they will already know that I have tried. Tried to make peace. Tried to forgive. Boy that was not easy to write (a surge of energy and emotion coursing throughout my body and mind just now).

The dark clouds appeared to be all around, my subconscious, my conscious and now overhead, the heavens opening and pelting the window of the dining room where I sat trying to focus on work (which I had a lot of). After my morning call, I decided to get a steaming hot bath and do my meds in there. Boy did it help. Hitting play on the Solfreggio Frequencies playlist, slipping deep into the bath, deeper into myself, I purged my memory cache of everything that had gone in yesterday and during the hours of sleep.

Having a methodical approach to meditation (sometimes conducted in unorthodox places) can have quite a marked effect. All feelings, all visions, all pent up emotions were cast into the void, like a dark hand reaching out from the blackness of the abyss was dragging them in, whilst at the same time parting the clouds to reveal the sunshine. After about 45 minutes, I came back to reality and reached over for my phone to check the tide chart and weather report for tomorrow, the rain still hitting the sills outside. I’m starting believe less and less in luck and good fortune, and putting my faith in “other reasons”, so as “other reasons” may have it, the low tide was at 8:00pm and the sun set was at 7:51pm, ideal timing to perform reiki on the beach. Even better was the weather report, Tuesday 1st April was the sunny filling to a rainstorm sandwich, the reports for Monday and Wednesday very grim and very wet (I hope the Met Office where not playing a belated Fools Day prank on me).

Feeling good about things, much better than before, the wife and I took a coffee to discuss the next steps with the boys. We both agreed that if we withdrew “Ls” application to the casting agency, it really could herald the end of his potential acting career and of course neither of us wanted that. Similarly, we did not want to stop “Js” girlfriend from staying over, as this would have resulted in him staying away from the homestead, adding yet more worry for his mum to deal with.

So the plan was set, sit each down separately, discuss what was expected from both sides, communicating the message calmly, serenely and logically. We did this in both cases, and with aplomb. Our sincere message being delivered with honesty, and the boys understood where we were coming from and apologised with the same sincerity as we delivered it. Before they came home, I had developed “10 Commandments” for each of them to support our position, and printed them off, sticking them to the backs of their bedroom doors. I think they saw the funny side, but what made us laugh was that our eldest had ticked a load of things off later on, things he was already doing. And to top it off, the wife eventually did get a present, and we proceeded to get fat and bloated on eating 75% of the contents of that “Thornton’s Continental” box of chocolates.

Later on in the evening, the wife had her first client come to the house for an aromatherapy session, her first paying customer. As I caught up with my bog, she did the business and was duly paid for services rendered, the money going in the new Las Vegas pot. The charge was minimal as she has not qualified yet and as such everyone who crosses the threshold does so on student fees, lucky them because she is amazing at it. As “other reasons” may have it again, there was a little oil left to give me a leg and back massage, something I was not going pass up on.

As I lay there drifting off, I went over the Level Two reiki symbols in my head, secure in the knowledge that I knew how to do them, how to apply them. Tomorrow is the last day of cleansing. Tomorrow is (coincidentally…) the last day of attunement. Tomorrow is the start of the next chapter of my quest for enlightenment. I wonder what tomorrow will bring. Whatever it does, I’m sure it will be special…

Reiki Diary Level 2 Cleansing: Day 19

Mothers Day 2014 will be a day that will not be forgotten for all the wrong reasons, sadly, but from dark skies the sun appears, in time, shining new light on old problems.

As it was, I was up early, woken by the pitter-patter of tiny feet, our daughter jumping into our bed and giving her mum a big hug, a Happy Mother’s Day greeting as well as a hand-made card from school and a new egg cup (which she had been after for quite a while).

Still no sign of the boys at 11:00am which was disappointing, so together we got up to prepare breakfast. After breakfast, still no sign. It was the ideal opportunity for “L” to prove to his mum that he was truly sorry for his angst and antics earlier in the week but it did not materialise. So at midday, I got them up, but decided not to prompt them to remind them what day it was, a test really, a test to see if they really were going to make the wife feel at least a little bit special for one day in the year. In full “Walking Dead” mode, they both entered the kitchen, and in their best zombie grunt, mumbled Happy Mother’s Day as I washed the empty breakfast plates.

And then they disappeared, back to the holes they crawled out from. No card. No present. Nothing. Suffice to say that the wife was very displeased, gutted to be honest. We did our rounds for the day distributing gifts and cards to her mum and upon our return to the homestead, I had it out with the boys, each blaming the other, colluding to give excuses that they were assuming that we were going to spend some quality time together in the evening at which point they would present her with something.

I told them it wasn’t Mothers Evening, and gave them some food for thought as to what others have done by way of making their mums feel special (noting the abject hypocrisy of my words due to my own position and “primary problem”), which did seem to have the desired effect of humiliating them into embarrasment and shame, sadly all too late.

We retired for the night, quite despondent and annoyed by the selfishness. That said, with some words of wisdom I recalled to the wife that last week was the start of the wake-up call, and tomorrow we would lay down the law with the boys.

There are lessons for us all every single day, we are forever learning how to deal with conflict or negative situations. Granted I could have intervened earlier in the day to make my wife feel loved by her sprogglings, but what was the real point of that if I had to be the one to do it. What real effect would it have in the long term. There was a continuous underlying problem here, and by addressing it now, it would benefit the family unit as a whole in the long run, “Operation Sort These Little Bleeders Out” had commenced…

Reiki Diary Level 2 Cleansing: Day 18

Yesterday felt like the first true day of Spring and as I rose, so did the sun. And as I rose, I thought of one song in particular:

Here comes the sun.
Here comes the sun, and I say.
It’s all right.

Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter.
Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here.
Here comes the sun.
Here comes the sun, and I say It’s all right.

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces.
Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been here.
Here comes the sun.
Here comes the sun, and I say It’s all right.

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes…

Thinking about fellow Liverpudlian George Harrison in particular, who ever after death, has influenced a change in my musical direction beyond compare. For it was watching “A Concert for George” when I first came across Anoushka Shankar, daughter of legendary sitar player and Indian composer Ravi Shankar. As a father and daughter combo, they created a piece called “Arpan”, played exquisitely and expertly, reverberating around the circular walls of the Royal Albert Hall in London. It really was after watching that and taking up yoga that my auditory tastes changed, possibly forever.

George went through his own metamorphosis (coincidentally, perhaps, to be the title of my very own favourite Anoushka Shankar song) during the latter stages of The Beatles and post-split, being influenced by Mr Shankar and the Hare Krishna movement.

Every now and again I dig out my old metal playlists, but those days are few and far between. Morbid Angel, Obituary and Slayer gather much dust these days, mothballed, replaced by the aforementioned Shankars, as well as Russill Paul and various other Eastern based audibles. Not that all rock based tunes have gone the same way, there is still a special place in my resonating heart for Anathema, Liverpool’s own progressive, experimental soundscape merchants whose sound has go through as many changes as I have over the years. Their roots were in death metal, until a point in time where they lost their lead vocalist and took a completely new direction, influenced heavily during those transition-times by Pink Floyd.

Now matured, their last album was as close to perfection as one could get. I was also lucky enough to be in London the week they played the Koko in Camden Town to witness firsthand the best gig they have ever done (so say Classic Rock Magazine who awarded them concert of the year for that very performance).

Do check them out, some of their quieter tunes (look for Falling Deeper on iTunes which is an acoustic album) do make a fine accompaniment to meditation and yoga.

Saturday morning saw a Spring clean. As the sun shone through the windows, bathing everywhere in brilliant white light, the motes of dust danced majestically as we cleaned atop wardrobes. All winter garments where relocated up into the attic space as summer clothes made the reverse journey. It was so warm in the attic, Ra doing his best to heat the felt-under-tile, giving the dimly lit space a divine cosiness. Never one to pass up on an opportunity to relax, I sat in the loft and meditated for five minutes or so, accompanied by friends Anathema on my phone.

When I raised my eyelids, I had a mini-revelation. The space I currently sat in was just a storage dump. A refuse tip for all manner of rubbish, the space currently being underutilised and unloved. In an instant I had a “future echo” of what it could look like, a vision of a large Buddha picture on the wall, surround by wall candles, scatter cushions spread everywhere, me in the dead centre of the “karmadome” meditating on a mat underneath voile type drapings from the ceiling.

I had a new project. Some building work was required first (proper flooring laid down, an access ladder to the space and some plaster boarding) but I could see that I could very well at some point this year have my own private Idaho…

Late afternoon following the tidy up, we took our eldest shopping for a pre-Vegas clobber run, the theme once he headed off to the likes of Superdry and Jack Jones was again the wedding. Instead of rings, this time the focus was on the dress, and as coincidence would have it (just like the ring) it was the very last shop that bore fruit. The most perfect dress presented itself to the current wife and future wife (same person), fitting like a glove, the purchase made immediately.

A huge weight lifted off her shoulders, the dress something she had been looking for, for some time.

The evening was spent drinking 0.0% beer and watching The Voice (a UK singing / talent competition) which is not exactly to my taste, but when you get to spend two hours plus watching Kylie Minogue, then it’s time I’m willing to sacrifice…

Reiki Diary Level 2 Cleansing: Day 17

The universe and all of its infinite and unknown mystery can be experienced during moments of abject calmness. Listen carefully and you can hear the faint and low hum of energy. Feel carefully and you can experience the pulsing and throbbing of energy. All of this is free, free to all who are willing to spend just a few minutes each day out of their busy schedule to meditate, to contemplate.

Today heralded the return of my morning meds, a not-so welcomed break from a 2 day half-lotus ritual, as the sun climbed its way over the hill of New Brighton, as the zombies start to make their way onto the train platform nearby. I am starting to like my methodical approach to the day, noting with interest that on the days that I do not do my meds in the morning, there appears to be a difference, sometimes minor, sometimes quite significant, mostly negative. Thankfully over the last almost three weeks, meds has taken president over my previous morning ritual which is to stay in bed for as long as humanly possible without having to tear-arse up the hill to drop the little one off at school.

So with meds out of the way and feeling almost back to normal after my trip way, it was sadly “back to work we go” for most of the morning, broken up by a decaffeinated Starbucks coffee down by the beach, the sun blazing down giving it all it could during the first real days of Spring.

Whilst sat happily supping ours brews, perched on our favourite people-watching stools (not people watching stools, that would be disgusting), we discussed yoga and the cost of me having both a gym pass and a yoga pass. Now that my mind body and soul has told me that I am not taking part in a triathlon this year, the need for my gym pass has lessened greatly but I do enjoy going for a Tuesday swim with the dad-in-law and getting a sweat on with the significant other as often as we can (which has not been that often recently). We came to the conclusion that if I missed yoga so much, and my dodgy knee was up for it, then I should go back and restart where I left it four months ago (if there was space for me of course). I miss it a lot, and my back twinges have returned ever so slightly so it would be a welcome return.

So after agreeing that we had the finances to do it (on the basis that I rarely go out socialising these days due to my clean living) then the monies saved could go towards my yoga ticket. Hurrah!

As the clock tick-tocked its way towards the end of the school day, so did the preparations for the chat with my son, going over the mental notes I had taken on the late train. Literally as he was walking through the front door, the sexy female voice on my iPhone alerted to me that “I had mail”, and in slow motion I stepped towards him with feet motion like Armstrong/Aldrin whilst reading the note from the casting agency advising that despite stiff competition, “L” had been selected to join the ranks of one of the top twenty casting agencies in the UK. I guess my face looked to him like Harvey Dent (Johhny Two Faces from Batman), one side grimacing the other smiling.

So we had the stern chat and the congratulations chat all in one, with him on the strict instructions that if he didn’t toe the line, we would unequivocally withdraw his application. He also told his drama director later on who was also very happy that he had made it in, kudos for the performing arts school if he gets seen on TV at some point soon.

All in all, a good day. Retiring, I looked at the weather reports five day forecast, with one eye firmly on the graphic for Tuesday, the last day of my reiki cleansing period, the day I face myself from the past head on…

Reiki Diary Level 2 Cleansing: Day 16

So my plan to hydrate myself paid off, almost. Last night was a good one, even if a little quieter than I had predicted. With a belly still full of Malaysian munchies, I decided rather wisely to skip the “all-you-can-eat” breakfast buffet at the hotel. Malaysian food is nice, but totally calorific, hence the reason I put on over a stone during the first three months I landed in the East.

I was feeling a little rough from the four beers plus one pint of cider the night before, probably down to the fact I had not drank for four weeks. The morning workshop flew by and soon it was time to get busy on a gourmet burger and fries, soaking up the last remnants of C8H8O3. After lunch it was time to pen “Ns ”leaving email, customary for line managers to do, but as that was no longer my role but I had been managing/mentoring her for the last eighteen months anyway, I though what the hell so I did it, much to the annoyance of the present incumbant. It was well met by our colleagues and tearfully “N” too, as was her leaving speech was also very heart-felt and touching. As everything she owned was now on a ship heading for the east coast of America, we decided to get her Amazon vouchers so she could buy herself something nice when she gets to Seattle (Soundgarden back catalogue or Singles DVD perhaps)…

As I wasn’t down in London for a time, it was time to say goodbye to “N”. It’s been great to know her and nurture her for the last three years and I’m almost certain our paths will cross again at some point. Before leaving I gave her a gift wrapped book, the “Reiki Bible for Beginners”. I told her not to open it in front of the others as they would not understand it’s meaning and she didn’t. It led to them all saying that I was distributing hard core pornography in the work place. As it I’d do that. Again…

It was a rather solemn tube journey over to Euston, tired after the late-ish night and the two day workshop. One thing that time would allow for during the 200 mile journey north was the issue last night, was time for reflection. And on reflection, the wife was totally right. Our son who is a very talented and promising young actor considering his age, but is taking us both for a ride in terms of demands and attitude. My mental notebook was making an ever-growing list of the things I was going to say to him when I got home, fully aware that the angry dad routine simply was going to work on hormonal teenage angst.

As I approached the end of my journey and end of my day, it was already past bedtime o’clock so our little chat would have to come another day.

Sadly no time for an evening meds session, but I would have been surprised if there had have been, given the hecticness of the last forty-eight hours, sleep being preferred as my modus operandi tonight…

Reiki Diary Level 2 Cleansing: Day 14

I do love my morning meds. I would encourage absolutely everyone to do it. Sure it takes patience to get into it at first, sure it takes resolve to do it daily, but the benefits of just 30 minutes of meditation at the start and/or the end of the day really is a small price to pay.

Taking on board what the wife said at the weekend about my external forces, I focused in on these today and used the power and harmony symbols accordingly. Mindful I need to exude peace as well as imbibe it, the rest of the day was spent working really hard, but at times when outer peace was required, I managed to stay in control, acknowledging certain situations and reacting to them positively.

Towards the end of my morning meds, I heard a little voice outside the living room door, followed by a pretty if a little sleepy face peering into the darkened room. “Are you doing reiki dad?” she asked politely. I told her I was doing meditation and would she like to join me. Glowingly she said yes, so I took another pillow from the sofa and we sat there next to each other, listening to my solfreggio frequencies, eyes closed in a half-lotus position, adopting the gyan mudra with each hand.

After a few minutes, we opened our eyes and I asked her how she was feeling. She said she was ok but that her leg hurt a little. I placed the three large cushions on the floor and told her to lie down on them and relax. I laid my hands on her thighs, then knees, shins, ankles and then feet. When I get to her feet I also end up doing the “This little piggy went to market” routine and the whole things descends into a tickling frenzy, the both of us sharing some early morning laughs before school.

For some reason, as I was preparing the breakfast when she came into the kitchen with a glum look on her face. I asked her what was the matter and she said she was worried about school that day. She said that her teacher had told her to try and focus better as the tasks she was getting were not being completed in time. I teased it out of her that in certain classes, she sits next to her friends and gets distracted. I sat her down and told her not to worry, if she needed to take her time to do things right first time then that was good, and that I would go and see teacher to see of for such lessons she could move her to a quieter table so she could concentrate more to get things done in time, and that playtime was time for play and catch up with her chums.

Off she went upstairs to brush her teeth. A few minutes later the wife came into the kitchen smiling asking me what I had just said to her. As “K” was brushing her teeth, she was nattering to herself (like she always does) “My dad is my hero. I love him. He fixes all of my problems”. Made my day and it wasn’t even 8:00am.

Mid-morning I had a message from my friend who was going to see “L” for her first reiki session in the evening. I was hoping that she wasn’t going to put it off as I think it would be great for her. The message read that she was really looking forward to it and could I give her the postcode and directions on how to get there, which I dutifully did.

“If I seem a little strange, that’s because I am” Morrissey once penned. This sounds crazy because it is, and maybe that’s because I am. I “reikied” my laptop. Around 11:30 my laptop started to do odd things. So I rebooted it. No change. Rule number one in the IT Support Manual. Didn’t work. So I summoned up some inner static and did my best Mr Miyage impression over the keyboard (hope no one was looking in through the dining room window at the time) and followed it up by another reboot. Success! Everything was back to normal, besides me most likely.

Feeling good that I now had powers over inanimate objects, off we popped to pick up dad-in-law for our weekly swim, which we all enjoyed a lot. Busy afternoon ahead, which involved me packing a bag for my trip to London in the morning, either side of a meeting sandwich. The evening saw my sons first audition for a TV and Film casting agency over the water near Southport. I asked him if he was nervous and he said that he wasn’t. He is a supremely confident youngling, nothing like me when I was his age. He had been asked to read out or recite a poem from memory, but as he is not a poem person, instead he prepared and delivered (not that we were allowed to see) a monologue from the Shawshank Redemption, the scene where Morgan Freeman has his parole board hearing and the panel ask him about redemption.

We also listened carefully to a lady who gave a small presentation about the agency, giving us some pearls of wisdom about how it operates and some key themes like time management and preparing the kids for rejection as there will be a lot of it. What she was saying was really good, just what he was looking for. The lady also shared that their key success was Emma Rigby, a girl who had been with them for years, went through the ranks of Hollyoaks (UK drama series) and came out the other side a Hollywood star (starring in a film with Michael Fassbender, Penelope Cruz and Cameron Diaz which is out on the silver screen soon).

After the audition we drove back to base and swapped notes about how things went in both rooms. He said that he got asked a few questions before his monologue which threw him a bit, but he said that in his opinion he did really well, the director gave him some instant feedback that what he had done was quite unique (he even put on a Tennessee accent), not confirming whether unique was good or not so good. We will know within the next seven days whether he has got in or not and that’s when the hard work begins, acting exams in June, plenty of car journeys / auditions / rejections and jubilations to follow no doubt.

My final action before retiring was to put a personal note in “Ns” book from the wife and I, gift wrap it and pop it in the overnight bag before I forgot.

One week of cleansing left…

Reiki Diary Level 2 Cleansing: Day 13

And so to my planned day off, well sort of. I had to get up the crack of dawn (lucky her) to finish off some questions I had been preparing, suffering from writers block last thing on Friday after a long, long week, so no time for meds. By 7:30am I was finished and got the kids up early for school, making sure everything was done in time for our little day trip to Chester, an old Roman town in the north west of England, nicely and stylishly modernised.

Although it was rather blustery, there were no clouds in the sky, so we winded and winded our way through narrow streets and across cobbled roads, partaking in a spot of retail therapy. A theme quickly developed. As we were devoid of sprogglings for a few hours, we decided to look for a wedding ring for the soon to be Mrs “B” for the second time in ten years. We visited many high street chains (affordable tat) and back street boutiques (unaffordable beauty). Although she already has a wedding ring on, it is a plain band. I had mistakenly bought her an eternity ring for our engagement so a ring with a single rock on it will go very nicely with the other two.

Sadly our jaunt around Chester bore no fruit on the ring front, but I did get myself a new tee from Gap as well as a lovely Mexican lunch. I also tried to get “N” my colleague in work a healing crystal to accompany her soon to be leaving gift from the wife and I (Reiki Bible book), but sadly we were out of luck on that front too.

After some final window shopping, we headed back down the motorway and dropped off our daughter’s golden zimmer frame at the hospital, no longer required. Picking the princess up we headed out again to a holistic therapy store / spa in search of that elusive crystal. It was Monday. Closed all day. Bummer. It wasn’t meant to be. Not upset by our wasted trip, we then decided to look in the pawnbrokers shops for rings whilst we were in the neighbourhood. It was the last shop on the road which quite literally came up gold.

The type of ring we had been looking for all day was a gold band with a diamond/zircon in the middle. The last shop on our route had a ring which had a topaz stone in the centre. We asked the shop keeper if she had anything in aquamarine to match the nuggets in the eternity ring, and although she said she didn’t presently, the jeweller would be down directly to have a chat with us.

It turns out that he can make a bespoke ring for her based on the one we saw, with the aquamarine stone in place of the topaz, to the design and budget that suited. After taking our details, in went the order and we departed the store smiling, our willingness to hold out on buying tat or something extravagant being overtaken easily at the finishing line by something personal, something bespoke, something special.

Returning to base there was an immediate knock on the door, it was “Js” uncle to fixed the boarded up pain of glass in the back door. I have met some crazy cats in my time but “O” must rank as one of the top loons. He’s such a character, the words esoteric and hippy created by Collins’s Dictionary just so he could be described to others. I like him a lot. After the window went in and the thirsts quenched with a good cup of English tea (not from a flying teapot), the wife told him of her experience in the bedroom two nights ago. He surprisingly told us that he knew, well sort of. He said that many any moons ago he had either been in our house or our neighbour’s house and experienced the spirit she talked of. To calm her (I think) he said there was nothing to be worried about, the presence was not malign or anything. Glad to hear it…

Pooped from our monster trek, we retired early, my alarm set early morning to recommence with my morning mantras and mudras.