Well last weeks Wim Hof training didn’t go quite to plan. The first three weeks on the fundamentals course went really well, but I stuttered and stumbled my way into week four, and decided after three stop-start days to take a week off and restart next week. And I’m glad I did, as on day four, all hell broke loose.
Once again, my workplace let me down, once again my mind let me down. Once again it is very clear that I cannot continue on in this job, it really is causing so much negativity, that trying to function normally, let alone train, is such a Herculean task.
It came to a head this week where I flipped out, tired of the same old patterns of being pushed too many things to do. I’ve always said “success is a huge burden to carry” and that’s none more apparent than right now.
Several things glued together tipped me over the edge, to the point where I could not sleep, could not focus, could not eat the right things, could not exercise, all of which resulted in me having my stress first migraine for four months (accompanied by a fifteen-hour sleep) and me having to rely on Big Pharma to get me through (as an ice pack and cold shower didn’t even touch the sides), sorry Wim!
It came to a resolution though on Friday, and after successfully brokering a deal to leave the team by the end of the year, so a positive outcome was reached, but with a real drain on my mental state and energy levels.
This week was a costly one all round. I comfort ate and could actually see and feel my body was becoming more inflamed as each day passed. I saw my spare tire gradually inflating as the week went on. I stopped off with the wife at the local pub after walking the dog one evening and for the first time since giving up the booze four months ago, I felt tempted to hit the bottle, and hit it hard. Thankfully, I chose the soft drink option and remain clean.
Mental health, stress and anxiety strips away all of life’s privileges in an instant. A billionaire and a destitute can feel exactly the same way in the moment, that moment of despair, the moment where surroundings and circumstances do not apply, only the blackness, the void, the abyss, the nihilism of existence.
It is not easy to climb out of the ravine alone, and more often than not, escape is via others casting down ropes to offer their assistance. Thankfully that happened three times this week, two colleagues and the wife, all talking me through things, pulling me back up into the light from the darkness below, and for that I am truly grateful and blessed, I know others are not so fortunate.
I silently crept up on the scales this morning in an attempt to quietly reveal the truth, but the damned machine screamed at me to reveal that I had put on two kilos in a week.
I also looked into the “deep dark truthful mirror” to tell myself that I ought stop thinking too much, to be positive and see the beauty in the moment as Messrs Watts and Tolle, and not to waste what precious little time I have left on this rock.
But as Messrs Nietzsche and Carney advocate, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”, I’m stronger now than I was before. There are so many people in the world that would give their right arm to be in my position, in fact there’s so many people in the world without a right arm, so what am I complaining about, really.
So here we are, the dawn of a new week, a week that was supposed to be focused on inflammation and how to combat it, and this coming week I am in need of that, maybe last week was a reminder that the power of the mind (or lack of) impacts our body more than we can know, so detox week, inner fire and determination is required to get me back on track.