A Walk in the Woods…

Sitting in a Dubrovnik watering hole watching the world go by may be a million miles away from the Appalachian Trail (well seven and a half thousand miles to be exact), but the expert word-smithing of Bill Bryson can transport anyone from anywhere directly to the trail itself.

I’ve always been a slow reader, but at every opportunity last weekend (between the sightseeing tours, Game of Thrones scene recalls and wonderful food), I picked up A Walk in the Woods and found it difficult to put down.

I’ve not read Bryson before, but the neo-Anglo-American sure has a way to keep the reader hooked, arguably it’s the time he spent in the UK that turned him into the cynical, dry, sarcastic and humour-filled grumpy old man that he is today, all core traits that us Brits are famed for the world over.

It catalogues a two-thousand mile journey traversing the Appalachian Trail (AT) on the east coast of America, a hike that he himself attempts to take (and fails) with a rather out of shape and reformed alcoholic friend, equally as dry, and well, British.

The book not only navigates the reader through the physical highs and lows of the trail, but the metaphysical highs and lows of the human spirit and condition, and I think that is why it is so relatable and so unputdownable.

So after just three days spent in the jewel of Croatia, the book was done and I was looking forward to this weekend with even more rigour.

It’s not often one gets to spend time alone, truly alone, and this weekend reminded me that self-isolation and solitude is good for the soul.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, friends, colleagues and dog, but for the first time I can remember (and I don’t think I have ever done it before), I went on a “holiday for one”.

As my wife was throwing a boozy doo for all of her friends at our house, I devised up a plan to abscond for a couple of days to North Wales, on the basis that I would stand a significant chance of getting a weekend pass out, and it worked.

So Friday came, I gathered my things and headed off to pick up the van and take the short drive to Llandegla, a small camping ground situated in the heart of the Clywdian mountain range (although in truth they are more hills).

Through the wind and the rain, I got to my destination safely, happy that I experienced more difficult transit conditions whist pulling a small home behind.

The site was beautiful, Llandegla Forest on one side, Clywdian hills on the other, and all around me, trout fishing lakes.

I settled down quickly and went for a tour of the site which was in super condition, with optional shepherds huts and bell tents for hire, it really was a gem.

My intent for the weekend was to click back and whittle some, and begin work on my second Lovecraftian horror novella, merging local folklore with cosmic horror.

To get myself somewhat in the mood, I put on a horror movie, turned out all of the lights and abruptly fell asleep.

The working week was certainly one to forget, and my frustrations with the ineptitudes of senior management nearly ended up in a career limiting/ending conversation, so my parasympathetic nervous system decided to take over and put me in a coma for twelve hours rather than carry on the chaos (albeit in a creative way).

So I woke up to the sound of bird song from the tree I had parked under, as well as the spooling of fly fishing reels as the anglers outside attempted (and succeeded) in catching their supper.

I was not expecting the weather to be good at this time of year, but the big man upstairs must have looked down upon me with pity and sympathy after the week I had had and parted the gloom to reveal a cloudless day ahead.

It was my original intent to just go for a short walk in the woods and focus on my writing upon my return, but after reading Bryson’s book of the same name and not having to be anywhere or do anything, I scanned my Ordinance Survey map to see what was a little further afield, and saw an unequalateral triangle present itself.

From the camping grounds, there was a line which went from the far end of the forest to a place called Worlds End, and from there a wobbly line that went to the Ponderosa Cafe, a place we had been to a few weeks earlier by car, a place that sold the best steak pie and gravy on Planet Earth, and possibly the entire cosmos.

I had no idea how many miles it was, what the elevation was like or the type of terrain I would be traversing, but with all the time in the world and no commitments to anybody other than myself, I hydrated, took an Aeropress coffee, packed my bag and headed for the woods.

Llandegla Forest is beautiful, deep within its core are hiking trails, running trails and mountain bike trails (all at various skill levels), so with the sun shining early morning beams through the tall pines, I took to the Moorland Trail, as I believed it would take me out of the woods and over to Worlds End, my first destination.

Much in the same way as the AT, the forest was awash with blazes (markers as they are called here), signposting bikers, runners and bimblers to well designated paths through the woodland.

I was the only one to be bimbling, and found the isolation wonderful. Here I was, completely disconnected from the chaos, no news, no war, no corporations, no commitments, no accountabilities, just me, nature and nothing else.

Negative feelings purge so quickly when surrounded by such a rich tableau of flora and fauna, the stresses and strains of everyday life had evaporated within the first mile and I was peace, real peace for the first time in a long while.

Although I had skipped breakfast, nature provided some in the form of blackberries, and at this time of the year they just fell from the bush into my hand and equally as easy into my mouth, bursting with flavour and moisture.

It struck me half way round the forest that the sign at the visitor centre which declared “nukeproof” trails and my first destination of Worlds End could be an ominous portent given the current geopolitical climate and goading from the West, so I was half expecting to see a mushroom cloud appear on the horizon towards the direction of Liverpool or Manchester.

Thankfully that didn’t happen, but my door of perception to making such a connection was clearly open. So it was no surprise that I walked a little further to see a collection of magic mushrooms in the undergrowth; Psilocybe Cubensis (Golden Caps), Psilocybe Semilanceata (Liberty Caps) and the unmistakable and Disney-esque Amanita Muscaria (Fly Agaric).

I’ll neither confirm nor deny that said hallucinogens were harvested for future use, only through the power of observation could one be certain, and you were not there, Schroedinger’s Mushrooms if you will.

A little further on down this magical path, I saw the carving of a wide eyed owl, clearly dining from natures larder and talking a trip of its own!

A short while (after observing a rather curios cloud formation and not Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds), I came across a marker and the turn off for Offa’s Dyke which would take me over the moorland to Worlds End.

I have it in mind to hike the one hundred and seventy seven mile stretch of Offa’s Dyke one day, estimating that it should take around two weeks.

At one tenth of the length and height of the AT and with the possibility of not being mauled to death by big-bollocked bears, I think my chance of success is quite high.

Offa’s Dyke is a large linear earthwork that roughly follows the border between England and Wales. The structure is named after Offa, the Anglo-Saxon king of Mercia from AD 757 until 796, who is believed to have ordered its construction.

Although its precise original purpose is debated, it delineated the border between Anglian Mercia and the Welsh kingdom of Powys.

The path was very well kept, so with ease I made it over to Worlds End, which itself is a small vale, but overlooked by some impressive cliffs.

One could imagine the cliffs being a worlds end for those who take their own life, a precarious precipice, and perhaps that is how it obtained its monicker.

After taking a wrong turn, I came across two things that made me serendipitously smile. The first was my favourite cow (yes I do have one). A field of Scottish Highland cows were clearly more lost than I was, and a tree with the largest Chicken of the Woods mushroom I had ever seen. Sadly there was too much fungus on the fungus for me to harvest it, so there it stayed in all of its diminishing glory.

After realising the error of my ways, I turned back down the trail and found the correct path to take to make it over to the Ponderosa Cafe, situated above the wonderful Horseshoe Pass, a bikers dream road and one my eldest son rides through often on his motorcycle.

After a short while on the right path, I could see the cafe in the far distance. No matter how many times I put one foot in front of the other, the cafe seemed to stay exactly the same distance away, very reminiscent of the scene from Month Python’s Holy Grail were Sir Lancelot runs across the field ten times in the same position. Classic.

I was getting tired and low on energy, and I had no idea how many miles I had gone, but this last slog running on empty was tough. As with all things, a dogged determination and British “Keep Calm And Cary On” mantra always wins in the end, so the final and rather pathetic baby steps took me inside the cafe.

Not to worry I thought, steak pie dinner was on the way. Imagine the Lovecraftian look of horror on my face when the hot food line had closed just three minutes before I got to the cafe!

I pleaded with the nice lady to pull together whatever scraps she had left from the kitchen by taking pity on the broken bimbler that stood before her. The cuisine goddess kindly placed three sausage rolls on the last clean plate and doused it with the worlds best gravy. Lady of the Plate, whoever you are, I am forever In your debt!

Piling other consumables onto the tray, I ate the plate (porcelain included) at biker speed, and washed them down with several cans of pop.

I know now how Bryson and Katz felt upon reaching diners and eateries after a hard slog on the trail.

Curious to see how many miles I had done and calories I had burned, I was surprised to see thirteen miles and seventeen hundred calories. No wonder I was fucked on an empty stomach.

With only water and a handful of berries inside me, I had forgotten the fundamentals of preserving energy and life.

After thirty minutes of rest and a belly full of meat products and sugary drinks, I took up my heavy pack (and heavy it was, with drone, gimbal, gas canister, Aeropress and stove inside, none of which were used!) and headed back to base camp which stood five miles away, thankfully this time down and not up.

By the time I got back to base, I had managed eighteen miles, eighteen hundred feet of elevation and one hundred and eighty eight flights of stairs climbed.

Finishing off my tuck from the cafe, I watched the full moon rise majestically over the forest, and woke exactly twelve hours later as the white-faced ball in the sky was replaced by the burning ball of life giving sun in the exact same location.

So thanks to Messes Bryson and Katz for inspiring me to get out on my feet this weekend, I just need to suggest to my wife that she has a lot more boozy doo’s with her friends in the near and continued future…

Mushroom boleh!

Today marks the official harvesting day from my first crop of white button mushrooms.

Whilst the yield is less than expected, small is beautiful, the most perfect little mushrooms have appeared.

First crop…
Raise the roof…
The mushroom is more beautiful than the rose…
Fungi family, just add love…

Looking forward to my first homegrown mushroom omelette (locally sourced eggs and smart garden sweet chilli).

Micro-self-sufficiency at its finest…

My Mycelium…

One of the big takeaways from my inaugural foraging trip last year was just how incredible mushrooms are.

Not only do they possess their own kingdom (neither animal, vegetable nor mineral) which is impressive in itself, but, when the right ones are consumed (and there are plenty of poisonous ones out there to be avoided), they provide many benefits, including mind (neurogenesis creating/repairing neural pathways), body (nutritional boosts via vitamins and anti-oxidants) and soul (altered states of consciousness leading to an improved human experience).

Whilst I’ll come back to the mycelium later, stoned ape theory and psychedelics in future posts, it’s clear that my friends and family have cottoned on to the fact that I’m looking to grow more of my own produce more this year.

As a result, I received not one but two “grow-your-own-mushrooms” kits, one which cultivates oyster mushrooms via old/used coffee grounds, and a second which grows the standard breakfast white mushrooms via mycelium soaked wood chippings.

I decided to start off with the white mushrooms and got quite excited to unbox it and get mushrooming.

Arch-Duc White Mushroom Kit (£15.99 on Amazon)…
Don’t’ eat the orange one…
Instructions for the polyglot…
First peak inside…
Step-by-step guide to fungi food…
The substrate, mycelium-based wood clippings…
Small bag of peat…
Operation Pete completed…
100ml of misted water…
Safely ensconced on top of the kitchen cupboard…

I have become patient in terms of waiting to harvest the fruits (and vegetables/herbs) of my cultivation activities (apropos my smart garden) so will do the same for the mushrooms.

Can’t wait to taste them in twenty-three days from now.

As I’ve mentioned in the past, I have suffered from tinnitus for almost three decades now and from time to time, spikes over a period of several weeks can negatively influence my mood, stress and sleep patterns.

I have habituated this well over time (on the basis that I had no other option as there is no cure for tinnitus) but was interested to find that mushrooms may be the answer.

Known as the ‘Mushroom of Immortality’, Lion’s Mane mushroom is one of the most important Chinese herbs and is a symbol of success, power and longevity.

Its benefits allegedly include the stimulation of nerve growth (reparation and new), especially in the brain, and as tinnitus is likely to be the noise generated by misfiring neurons connected to the synapses in the ears, and if damaged neural pathways can be repaired, then in theory the noises in side my head (excluding the voices, that’s a different topic altogether!) can diminished or be silenced.

There is also the notion that vitamin D3 can be stacked with the Lion’s Mane too and I have started taking this too today.

The final part of the stack is the micro-dosing of psilocybin mushrooms, which in small quantities again may also have curative powers, re-wiring the brain and improving perception of the five (and possibly sixth) senses. Clearly the untaxable and criminalised acquisition of such mushrooms is illegal in the UK (and most of the world), so my stack may just contain a double not a treble…

Mid Morning Mushrooms…

Keen to consolidate my foraging training, I took to the woods today with old faithful to see what mushrooms I could find. The weather was quite damp in the early part of the week, replaced by dry and sunny conditions towards the weekend, so according to my man-based mushroom guide and my paper-based mushroom guides, perfect conditions for a romp amongst the trees in search of a fungus or two.

Today was more of a “recky” than a restocking of the larder as I’m in London this week.

As the last post explained, my interest in mushrooms has exponentially increased recently due to the revelations from my foraging guide and those of Dennis McKenna (Terence’s brother) who took a seat on the Joe Rogan Experience a few years back and went into quite some detail on psilocybin mushrooms. As I only have Spotify and Audible on my phone, I searched for Terence McKenna audiobooks and one did come back – True Hallucinations – which I took a punt on, downloaded and started to play on our early morning journey to Roydon Park in the heart of the Wirral Peninsula.

Although not narrated by either McKenna, the first chapter was intriguing, setting up I guess the back drop for the rest of the book, the Brothers McKenna “trip” to the Amazon rainforest, in search of hallucinogens.

We parked up and instead of sticking to the path as we usually do, we headed straight into the thick wood, mindful that the denser it was, the more humid and moist it would be, and as such, perfect conditions for shrooms.

Old faithful was in his element, as soon as I let him off the lead he was away. He adores the woods and quickly forgets that he is not a puppy anymore, sprinting off to hunt out the smell of, and the capture of, squirrels (not so much the capture part), his springer spaniel DNA kicking in.

So as he was off doing his own thing, I started to look around for produce. Imagine my shock then when what could only be described as the ghost of Terence McKenna invisibly steered me across the wood to a rotten tree stump which had a burst of small mushrooms on it.

To my utter surprise and unless I was mistaken (which I could well be as it’s early doors for me), were hundreds of what looked like Magic Mushrooms (Psilocybe Cubensis). I know these come in many shapes and sizes and the ones I took in my youth did not look like the ones I saw before me today, but I had a good inkling that they were indeed what I thought they were (some validation in my books and an internet search would tend to confirm such).

It is of course illegal to pick, dry and be in possession of these non-taxable, free-thinking, mind-expanding, depression-ceasing, consciousness-creating fungus, so I’ll neither confirm nor deny that these are or are not in my possession (Shrodingers Mushroom…)

The most abundant mushroom we found over the course of our morning bimble was Birch Polyphone (Piptoporus Betulinus), it was everywhere. There are plenty of Silver Birch trees in the woods, and a large majority of them had these sprouting from various parts of the trees in a variety of shapes. Sadly these aren’t edible, which is a real shame as there were enough to open a greengrocers shop.

Continuing on, I spotted a clump of brown ball-shaped mushrooms on the forest floor, and on closer inspection, I believed them to be the Common Earthball (Scleroderma Citrinum) which indeed they were. Using my very new and very awesome and very legal curved foraging knife, I cut into one and as suspected, saw a quartz like glittery black innard, the same quartz like glittery black innard we saw on our trip two weekends ago.

I recalled a snippet of info that whilst (again) this was not edible, the outer layer can be peeled off and used as a plaster for a wound, a neat feature in case you just happened to slice your finger open by say putting away a very new and very awesome and very legal curved foraging knife…

Next up was one I’d never seen before which looked like orange jelly. As there are over 8000 species of mushrooms in the UK, I could be wrong but I believed it to resemble a Yellow Brain (Tremella Mesenterica), again inedible but nice to see a new species in glorious Technicolor.

This was closely followed by a solitary toadstool looking very lonely indeed, and a scrawl through the field manuals couldn’t offer up a single suggestion so I left it there for the faeries to rest on a while.

Old faithful legs were starting to give way and the onset of his glaucoma is starting to take hold. Still off-lead, he wandered a bit too far away and I called him, and much to my sadness saw him off in the distance dead ahead yet confused.

I called him repeatedly and he ran off in different directions, able to hear me but not able to locate me. I ran to him, calmed him down and put his lead back on. He has been the most amazing and utterly insane canine I’ve ever owned and it’s sad to gradually see various parts of him pack in, I try not to think about the day when he’s not around.

Leaving the wood, we saw a squirrel haven with many oak trees and fallen acorns, as well as plenty of Rosebay Willowherb / fireweed (Epilobium Angustifolium), one of natures great firestarters (twisted firestarters…)

On our way back to the car, we took to a hacking trail, and there was a very amusing sight, this time my eyes playing tricks on me and not old faithful’s. We came across a fenced-off field and in the distance, I thought there was a small stone circle or henge, which instantly put my hippy spider senses tingling. Putting my glasses on revealed that it was not a circle of stones, but a circle of small police traffic cones, in the middle of a field in the middle of nowhere. Bizarre!

Foraging Trials…

There may come a time, perhaps not in my lifetime, and hopefully not in my children’s lifetime either, that society collapses completely.

Hollywood has played all of this out expertly in many films. The Omega Man and Planet of the Apes, lead by Charlton Heston, were some of the first movies I recall seeing which depicted dystopia and one mans struggle to exist in a completely different environment to what he was used to.

In The Omega Man, Heston resorted to a Hunter-Gatherer, albeit in disused shopping malls, foraging by day and hiding by night to stay away from the bad guys.

He had to take what resources he could to survive, and survive he did by knowing exactly where to look and what to look for.

A few weekends back, I booked my sister (for her birthday), the wife and I on a foraging course just outside of Ruthin, North Wales, in an effort do do something less ordinary, get away from the chaos of the news channels and back to nature, and to learn some new skills.

Armed with some preliminary toolkits (books, satchels, snappy bags and knives), our tribe for the day arrived at the mouth of a small wood in the small hamlet of Bontuchel, where our guides from Original Outdoors greeted us with warm smiles and hope. Good start.

We did the usual round of creeping death introductions and when it got to me, I boldly shared the fact that I was likely the bad guy of the group as I worked in the oil and gas industry. The smiley faces turned to frowns and even boos. Was I surprised by this, not really, I was prepared for that knowing that people who choose to go on foraging courses are more likely to be closer to nature and the industry I work in presently has a diabolic influence the fragile ecosystem we live in which is frowned upon by many.

I did go on to say however that the company I worked for was leading the way (according to Gartner’s latest magic quadrant) in terms of its journey towards carbon neutrality and that with oil prices staying lower for longer and Covid reducing the demand for product, they are taking very bold decisions to leave the black stuff in the ground, reshaping their business completely to pursue plans to migrate from an oil and gas major to a true energy company, investing heavily in renewables.

I also shared that I am working very closely with the company’s Sustainability Consultants to take a detailed look at how as individuals we can make a difference both in the work place and at home, creating as we do a gestalt/hive mindset that we can be greater than the sum of our parts if we all know what to do, how to do it and by when.

Clearly this lightened the mood and some words shared can start to paint a more positive light on an industry damned in all parts of society. Clearly we all have energy demands (everyone arrived by petrol/diesel cars for example), but we must all work together to realise our joint goal to save the planet before it’s too late.

“R” and “A” (our hosts for the day) took us through the woods over the next four hours, pointing out plants, wild herbs, fruits, berries and mushrooms that we could look out for in future bimbles.

Over the course of the day, we uncovered twenty different species, all of which are described briefly in note and picture form below:


1. Beech (Fagus Sylvatica)

Nut/Leaf. Good for mushrooms. Leaves good for gin. Small triangular nuts from the husks if the squirrels haven’t eaten them all. Only found one between the three of us, still hungry…

2. Chanterelle (Cantharellus Cibarius)

Mushroom. Grows on slopes and among beech trees is common. Very edible, didn’t take a sample as we only found a few minute ones. One for the foraging list though.

3. Earthball (Scleroderma Citrinum)

Mushroom. Black inside. Not edible.

4. Porcini (Boletus Edulis)

Mushroom. Huge and when dried out, expensive to buy. Found under beech or pine. Maggots can burrow, can cut off yellow layer. Slice then dry then fry. Took one for home. Very happy!

5. Bramble  (Rubus Fruticosus)

Fruit. The ubiquitous blackberries. Can also eat stem and leaves too. Top bit of stem (end – youngest) like asparagus. Are several, very sweet, not tart at all. Nicest wild blackberries I’ve ever eaten.

6. Herb Robert (Geranium Robertianum)

Leaf. Also known as Stinky Bob. Good for herbs. All edible. Geranium family

7. Opposite Leaved Golden Saxifrage (Chrysosplenium oppositifolium)

Leaf. Good for salads (like cucumber).

8. Hedge woundwort  (Stachys Sylvatica)

Leaf. Squidge leaves and insert into wounds. Smells like rotting flesh. Squeeze together taste better.

9. Pendulous Sedge (Carex Pendula)

Seed. Starchy carb. Seeds used. Green used. Brown chaff. Paste on stone dry cook for crackers. A lot of work for little reward when out in the field.

10. Hen of the woods (Grifola Frondosa)

Mushroom. Found on dead oak stump. Similar texture to chicken. Darker colour than Chicken of the Woods (which we didn’t find – gutted as this was top of my list for the day. Fry with butter and garlic. Eat in small quantities.

As we say off a while, we had a discussion about foraging rules, one of which being the carrying of knives, only three inch blades were allowed, else it’s classified as a weapon. The one I used to take a cutting of Hen of the Woods was a bushcrafting knife with fixed blade, illegal in the current scenario. At least I know for next time.

11. Wood Sorrel (Oxalis Acetosella)

Leaf. The odd flower in a salad. Toxic if too much consumed. Stuffed in fish and used in sorbet. Found in woodlands where there is sunlight (edges and clearings)

12. The Blusher (Amanita Rubescens)

Mushroom. Not worth it because of the toxicity.

One key nuggets though was that the best time to pick mushrooms is dry day after rain. Noted!

13. Jelly/Wood ear (Auricularia Auricula-Judae)

Mushroom. Also known as Jews ear, named after Judas Iscariot and only grows on dead elder tree (“R” was keen to point out that this term is no longer used). It’s a dry jerky-type of mushroom, nice and crispy.

14. Hawthorn (Crataegus Monogyna)

Fruit/Leaf. Leaves edible in May (May pudding). The berries are collected in autumn and the squeezed into a pulp. Put in muslin and pour hot water through it. Skin and stone stay in the middle – fleshy pulp comes through, after which it can be dried out and turned into fruit leather (nature’s wine gums which lasts forever if stored in parchment. Berries are everywhere, defiantly going to try this (Ray Mears Wild Foods has an episode on making this)

15. Elder (Sambucus Nigra)

Fruit/Flower. Contains cyanide, use only flowers and fruit. Flowers (only a few days sometimes) make Elderflower cordials etc. Berries poisonous if raw. Cook or ferment. Wine gin and vodka, and cordials.

16. Blackthorn (Prunus Spinosa)

Fruit. Produces sloes. Gin and vodka or hedgerow jam. Sour raw, I ate one, ain’t that the truth! Wait until they are ripe, pick them, freeze them (bletting) which gets them juicing

17. Dandelion (Taraxacum sp)

Leaf . Raw and peppery. Like rocket on salad. No too much as it’s a diuretic.

18. Crab Apple (Malus Sylvestnis)

Fruit. Bitter when eaten from the tree. Best use as cooking apple for pies and sauces

19. Birch Polypore (Fomitopsis Betulina)

Mushroom. Non-edible – used for stropping knives or as a wound dressing

20. Burdock (Arctium sp.)

Root. Used as starchy fibre. Cannot uproot on public land, can take on provide land with landowners permission


All in a very educational day with lots of take aways, and a reminder just how beautiful Wales is. Looking back, over my shoulder (using Crowded House parlance) saw the ridge of Offas Dyke in all of its glory as the sun was beginning to set, Foel Fenli, Moel Famau and Moel Arthur seem from below instead of on high. Majestic.

I guess the moral to the foraging story is to make up a shopping list as you would do for the supermarket, and target the items you know will be there (taking into account the location, weather conditions and season) and foraging just what you need and use them or dry them when you get back home so they don’t end up as bin food. It’s essential to know your locations and what grows there, (e.g. oak and beech woods after rainfall increases the chances of acquiring a chicken of the woods).

Easily the most fascinating discussion I had on the day was a side conversation I had with “R” which centred around Magic Mushrooms (Psilocybin Cubensis), which we didn’t find on the day (they may have been there but he could hardly point them out!)

Back in my youth, I took the liberty caps once with some friends at home (with my parents and sister away on holiday). Although I took a relatively small dose (30-40 mushrooms in a Pot Noodle) the doors of perception did open, ever so slightly.

I recall initial giggles, the chess board motif of the linoleum flooring of the back kitchen began to twist and contort into weird swirling shapes. We took to our prostate positions in the living room and turned out all of the lights and put on an Ian Andersen (he of Jethro Tull fame) and tripped out. I recall laying with my back to the floor looking up at the ceiling, both of which soon became wall, with the window as the floor, the dimensions of the space around me changed. The only light source was the LED display of the video player, the heightened senses bringing the digits into full 8k high definition and bloated compared to their usual size. The digits then floated all around me, changing in shape and size. All in it was a very interesting experience, one I’ve never repeated but once the door is opened, reality is never really the same again.

“R” went on to say that there was a hypothesis that mushrooms were not of this earth, not part of the original evolutionary chain, and that some believed that they came in on a comet. A mushroom has its own kingdom (bringing with it a hidden blanket called the mycelium layer) and is neither animal, vegetable nor mineral. Fascinated, I agreed to take an action to research more into the world of the fungus, no doubt posting the findings here.

If that was enough to bake my noodle (not Pot Noodle), what he said next surely did.

“R” asked me if I’d ever heard of the Stoned Ape Theory by Terence McKenna. I said that I had not and he told me to go back home and look it up, but in essence what happened millions of years ago was that as the climate changed in Africa, primates came down from the trees as rainforests turned into grasslands and foraged for different food types.

As ancient bovines grazed and defecated, their patties gave homes to bugs and fungus, which as a source of protein our hairy ancestors ate.

McKenna’s theory goes that under such conditions, psilocybin mushrooms thrive and as a result of eating them, the doors of perception opened for apes and they looked at the world through different eyes and begin to think in a different way, so much so that new neurological pathways were created, new thoughts and ways of thinking allowed for the progression of tools and language and as such the brain began to evolve and grow bigger, until eventually we harnessed fire which gave rise to different diets and the further expansion of consciousness to make us what we are today.

So here we have a possible explanation for the missing link, thanks to the good old shroom!

What was to be a nice day out turned into a mind-bending, thought-provoking journey, not only through the eyes of the Palaeolithic people of Northern Europe, but an unexpected journey back to the dawn of man.

When I got back I dried out our days collection, and put the mushrooms in storage for a meal to come and retired for the evening, knackered.

What a day, what an epic day…